Christmas has come and gone...
now on to the new year...
i don't think the new year will be as fun and exciting as last year. i work the entire week, opening both new years eve and new years day. not too fun.
the most exciting part of the next few weeks: i'm taking vacation time off of work!
My hopes for this time:
a) to get registered at target and walmart for baby stuff
b) to get the office cleaned out to make room for baby and all the baby stuff
c) to relax and de-stress after the holidays.
I have been told from some family members that I am WAY too big, and that i should ask my doctor to check for twins.
at my appointment this morning, i asked my doctor. he said, "People should just keep their mouths shut. You're perfectly normal size and measurement for the ONE baby that is in there!"
i know i shouldn't let it get to me...but when i already feel fat and gross and disgusting...the LAST thing i want to hear from people who supposedly love me is that i'm huge.
i really love being pregnant, but there is another situation that is ruining it for me:
i've had the same family members corner me in the kitchen on CHRISTMAS day...
to interrogate me about baby names.
We haven't come to any conclusions...we're trying to find SOME that we like and the meanings are something that will edify our son to be a man of God and someone that will help build the Kingdom of God.
yet...these family members cornered me and began asking me about what names we've chosen. when i explained that we haven't had any yet, they were saying, "what are they?"
"i just said, we haven't picked any out! we just started talking about it this week and seriously looking at BOY names this week!"
"ok...well...please just run them by us...we want to help you with...ya know...names and nicknames.."
"why?"
"we just don't want you to pick anything out that's too gay!"
"Gay?! like what?"
"like evan, or Owen, or..."
"HOLD up. Owen is a family name on my grandmothers side...that's not 'too gay!'"
now...i realize that yes...again, i may be taking this too personally...
but if these SAME people don't TRUST me or my husband to name our child something appropriate, then are they going to trust us to raise our child?
Doubt it.
and i'm not one to go to family functions only to be ridiculed for how i raise my children!
if this keeps up, i can't imagine myself even wanting to be with this family during get togethers!
i'm not one to push away advice, but if it's given with prejudice, i dismiss it almost immediately. and the only reason i say "almost" is that i have to remind myself every time that they mean well and that Godly advice can come in all forms...
i say "with prejudice" because these family members are assuming this is the first time i've ever cared for a child!
now...i admit, a boy is intimidating. but when my niece was born, i was there nearly every day, helping change her diaper...feed a bottle (when my sister was unable to breastfeed)...burp the baby...rock her to sleep. there was even a little joke that my mom made that if my sister had problems, give her to me, and i'll get her to sleep.
and i understand boys are different. i've changed my nephews diapers...helped him as much as i could, but with work and school wasn't able to be there QUITE as much. i regret that, b/c as it seems, i'm not as close with my nephew as i would like to be, but, it happens. i can only change the future.
plus...i believe God created me to be a mother. i never would have thought this before i was married. yet, i started to see in myself a nurturing, motherly side of myself that i never saw in myself before i got married. and since getting pregnant, it has increased 10 fold. i can not imagine myself without children now, and am MOVED beyond hormones for children other than my own!
for these family members to assume something about me is beyond hurtful. i know i'm currently more sensitive because of the hormones, but, it is hurtful that they don't trust me to name my own child let alone raise him!
and it is beyond hurtful that they would feel the need to tell me they don't trust me. i can handle gossip behind my back...i've been taking it since i could remember. whatever.
but...i am an adult...right? and jacob....he too, is an adult....right?
i mean...we got married. we own our own cars. we have our own place. we pay our bills; we have money in our account; we have some in savings...
and we don't ask a whole lot from our parents...
we don't ask them for money...or to take care of situations for us....
in fact, we do it for them!
we give our parents money!
we take care of our parents situations FOR THEM!
so in that way, aren't we more mature than they are?
so, let me get this straight.
i need to get approval from people who can barely make their own payments on their own purchases, who can barely stay faithful to their own families, because i'm incapable of making the decisions for myself?
it's hard not to be upset by this...but because i've had good blood pressure up to this point, i'm trying really hard to remain calm, and composed. but it's frustrating. everytime i go to their house, am i going to be bombarded until the baby comes?
our plan was to not tell anyone what names we picked out were. right now, our plan is to come up with the most ridiculous names we could think of, and tell them that's what we have decided on, just to see what kind of response we get.
sad that's how we have to do it, huh?
Monday, December 28, 2009
Friday, December 25, 2009
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas!
I had a wonderful Christmas...and I wasn't sure if i would until yesterday sometime. I was experiencing a lot of holiday stress and was letting it affect me. After talking with a very VERY dear friend, I spent some time praying (during work and after), and realized that Jesus doesn't care. He loves me. He lived and died for my salvation...not so that I can have a clean and organized home, or bake that perfect pie under the most imperfect of conditions, or be completely comfortable in the most uncomfortable conditions.
He came. He lived. He died. He conquered. He rose again.
What perfection!
There's a little girl I'm asking all of you to pray for, Mary Furr. Her mom is Margaret Furr and her blog is: http://margaret-robertslife.blogspot.com/2009/12/christmas-eve.html
Meanwhile, the spoiling continues! Jacob COMPLETELY spoiled me for Christmas!
I KNEW I was getting a Pampered Chef Deep Covered Dish Baker. And that alone was more than half our budget. But he COMPLETELY surprised me with a jewelry armoire! I have been wanting one since i was probably close to 12. it's about 2.5-3 feet tall, dark colored wood, and is absolutely wonderful! I did not expect that at all! i already put all my jewelry in it, and can't wait to fill it up!
our day was very full, but very relaxed and very enjoyable! i loved having the time to enjoy our family and really enjoyed hanging out with my in laws! i've been awake since 6 AM and it is now 10:30, and knowing i have to get up at 6:30 tomorrow morning (at the latest!), i'm wiped. but it's a good kind of wiped out. :-) I'm content!
I had a wonderful Christmas...and I wasn't sure if i would until yesterday sometime. I was experiencing a lot of holiday stress and was letting it affect me. After talking with a very VERY dear friend, I spent some time praying (during work and after), and realized that Jesus doesn't care. He loves me. He lived and died for my salvation...not so that I can have a clean and organized home, or bake that perfect pie under the most imperfect of conditions, or be completely comfortable in the most uncomfortable conditions.
He came. He lived. He died. He conquered. He rose again.
What perfection!
There's a little girl I'm asking all of you to pray for, Mary Furr. Her mom is Margaret Furr and her blog is: http://margaret-robertslife.blogspot.com/2009/12/christmas-eve.html
Meanwhile, the spoiling continues! Jacob COMPLETELY spoiled me for Christmas!
I KNEW I was getting a Pampered Chef Deep Covered Dish Baker. And that alone was more than half our budget. But he COMPLETELY surprised me with a jewelry armoire! I have been wanting one since i was probably close to 12. it's about 2.5-3 feet tall, dark colored wood, and is absolutely wonderful! I did not expect that at all! i already put all my jewelry in it, and can't wait to fill it up!
our day was very full, but very relaxed and very enjoyable! i loved having the time to enjoy our family and really enjoyed hanging out with my in laws! i've been awake since 6 AM and it is now 10:30, and knowing i have to get up at 6:30 tomorrow morning (at the latest!), i'm wiped. but it's a good kind of wiped out. :-) I'm content!
Monday, December 14, 2009
a lesson learned...
one lesson i've learned over the years...
careful of what and whom you judge...
We judge others character...
the spiritual fruit we may see in others...
others reactions to various circumstances...
among many other situations...
when i was younger, i judged the men i dated, and wanted to date. i always said i would never date anyone younger than me....
i married a man younger than me...
a friend of mine and i lost contact after graduation. a couple of years later, i got a call from this dear friend, and discovered that in the 2 months previous, she had gotten married, and then discovered she was pregnant.
by this point, i took things from my friends as they told me. I don't know if that's really how it was, or if she was pregnant when she got married. who am i to judge? who am i to really care?
a mutual friend and i were discussing this event. i expressed wanting to get her a gift for the baby, her new husband, etc...
she called this friend of mine a 'whore' and then a liar and said that she was not only pregnant when she got married, but she was hiding that fact by lying to everyone about it.
i said, 'that's my friend. i don't appreciate you talking about her like that. i don't know if it's true or not, but still."
last year, this mutual friend of mine (we're not very close and haven't been since) had a baby with no man in sight.
i want to say "what comes around, goes around," but the more Biblical phrase i would think would be "a man reaps what he sows." or "do not judge, and you will not be judged."
careful of what and whom you judge...
We judge others character...
the spiritual fruit we may see in others...
others reactions to various circumstances...
among many other situations...
when i was younger, i judged the men i dated, and wanted to date. i always said i would never date anyone younger than me....
i married a man younger than me...
a friend of mine and i lost contact after graduation. a couple of years later, i got a call from this dear friend, and discovered that in the 2 months previous, she had gotten married, and then discovered she was pregnant.
by this point, i took things from my friends as they told me. I don't know if that's really how it was, or if she was pregnant when she got married. who am i to judge? who am i to really care?
a mutual friend and i were discussing this event. i expressed wanting to get her a gift for the baby, her new husband, etc...
she called this friend of mine a 'whore' and then a liar and said that she was not only pregnant when she got married, but she was hiding that fact by lying to everyone about it.
i said, 'that's my friend. i don't appreciate you talking about her like that. i don't know if it's true or not, but still."
last year, this mutual friend of mine (we're not very close and haven't been since) had a baby with no man in sight.
i want to say "what comes around, goes around," but the more Biblical phrase i would think would be "a man reaps what he sows." or "do not judge, and you will not be judged."
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Daddy-to-do list
My wonderful husband!
He likes to surf the web, and read blogs, and keep up to date with some of his favorite pastors.
One of these pastors is Mark Driscoll. He's written several Christian Inspiration books, and I've heard a couple of his sermons on podcasts. He's a very interesting pastor with a very interesting technique. But, he does have a heart for God and for families.
This last week or so, Jacob brought home a Daddy-to-do list for Christmas. I thought it was super special, and wanted to share it with all of you.
You can find this on Mark Driscoll's blog. However, I don't know what the address is, so if you search Mark Driscoll and Mars Hill Church, you should be able to find it....
The bold marks are as they are in his blog, too, by the way. I just want to thank Jacob for bringing this home and showing me. I'm saddened to know that this isn't the way I was brought up, but excited to know that this is the way my children will grow up.
Daddy-to-do List:
"Tis the season for Dad to drop the holiday ball, stress out as the money is being spent for presents, and miss yet another providential opportunity to lovingly lead his family. So, this blog is intended to help dads not fall into the same old rut of holiday humdrum, sitting on the couch watching football and eating carbs, but rather intentionally plan out the upcoming holiday season. Our children grow quickly and if we miss the sacred moments God opens up for us to connect with and bless our families, everyone suffers and we set in motion generations of missed opportunity.
1. Dad needs a plan for the holidays to ensure that his family is loved and memories are made. Dad, what's your plan?
2. Dad needs to check the local guides for what's going on to make fun holiday plans for the family.
3. Dad needs to carve out time for sacred events and experiences to build family traditions that are fun and point to Jesus. Dad, is your calendar ready for December?
4. Dad needs to not let the stress of the holidays, including money, cause him to be grumpy with Mom or the kids. Dad, how's your joy?
5. Dad needs to give experiences and not just gifts. Dad what special memories can you make this holiday season?
6. Dad needs to manage the extended family and friends during the holidays. Dad, who or what do you need to say "no" to?
7. Dad needs to ensure his family is giving generously during the holidays. Dad who in need is your family going to adopt and bless?
8. Dad needs to schedule a big Christmas daddy date with his daughter. Dad, what's your big plan for the fancy daddy date?
9. Dad needs to schedule guy time with his son. Dad, what are you and your son going to do that is active, outdoors, and fun?
10. Dad needs to help Mom get the house decorated. Dad, are you really a big help to Mom with getting things ready?
11. Dad needs to ensure some holiday smells and sound. Dad, is Christmas music on the iPod, is the tree up, and can you smell the cookies and cider in your house?
12. Dad needs to snuggle up and watch some fun shows with the kids, especially the little ones. Dad, is the DVR set?
13. Dad needs to take the family on a drive to see Christmas lights while listening to music and sipping cider. Dad, is it mapped out?
14. Dad needs to help Mom get the kids' rooms decorated. Dad, do the little kids get lights or a small tree in their room?
15. Dad needs to read about Jesus and pray over his kids. Dad, how's your pastoral work going with each of your kids?
16. Dad needs to repent of being lazy, selfish, grumpy, or just dumping the holidays on Mom. Dad, are you a servant like Jesus to your family?
He likes to surf the web, and read blogs, and keep up to date with some of his favorite pastors.
One of these pastors is Mark Driscoll. He's written several Christian Inspiration books, and I've heard a couple of his sermons on podcasts. He's a very interesting pastor with a very interesting technique. But, he does have a heart for God and for families.
This last week or so, Jacob brought home a Daddy-to-do list for Christmas. I thought it was super special, and wanted to share it with all of you.
You can find this on Mark Driscoll's blog. However, I don't know what the address is, so if you search Mark Driscoll and Mars Hill Church, you should be able to find it....
The bold marks are as they are in his blog, too, by the way. I just want to thank Jacob for bringing this home and showing me. I'm saddened to know that this isn't the way I was brought up, but excited to know that this is the way my children will grow up.
Daddy-to-do List:
"Tis the season for Dad to drop the holiday ball, stress out as the money is being spent for presents, and miss yet another providential opportunity to lovingly lead his family. So, this blog is intended to help dads not fall into the same old rut of holiday humdrum, sitting on the couch watching football and eating carbs, but rather intentionally plan out the upcoming holiday season. Our children grow quickly and if we miss the sacred moments God opens up for us to connect with and bless our families, everyone suffers and we set in motion generations of missed opportunity.
1. Dad needs a plan for the holidays to ensure that his family is loved and memories are made. Dad, what's your plan?
2. Dad needs to check the local guides for what's going on to make fun holiday plans for the family.
3. Dad needs to carve out time for sacred events and experiences to build family traditions that are fun and point to Jesus. Dad, is your calendar ready for December?
4. Dad needs to not let the stress of the holidays, including money, cause him to be grumpy with Mom or the kids. Dad, how's your joy?
5. Dad needs to give experiences and not just gifts. Dad what special memories can you make this holiday season?
6. Dad needs to manage the extended family and friends during the holidays. Dad, who or what do you need to say "no" to?
7. Dad needs to ensure his family is giving generously during the holidays. Dad who in need is your family going to adopt and bless?
8. Dad needs to schedule a big Christmas daddy date with his daughter. Dad, what's your big plan for the fancy daddy date?
9. Dad needs to schedule guy time with his son. Dad, what are you and your son going to do that is active, outdoors, and fun?
10. Dad needs to help Mom get the house decorated. Dad, are you really a big help to Mom with getting things ready?
11. Dad needs to ensure some holiday smells and sound. Dad, is Christmas music on the iPod, is the tree up, and can you smell the cookies and cider in your house?
12. Dad needs to snuggle up and watch some fun shows with the kids, especially the little ones. Dad, is the DVR set?
13. Dad needs to take the family on a drive to see Christmas lights while listening to music and sipping cider. Dad, is it mapped out?
14. Dad needs to help Mom get the kids' rooms decorated. Dad, do the little kids get lights or a small tree in their room?
15. Dad needs to read about Jesus and pray over his kids. Dad, how's your pastoral work going with each of your kids?
16. Dad needs to repent of being lazy, selfish, grumpy, or just dumping the holidays on Mom. Dad, are you a servant like Jesus to your family?
Monday, November 30, 2009
moving around!
Usually at the end of the day, my stomach starts to pop.
It kind of looks like a bag of popcorn....except there is no popcorn inside of my stomach....
hmmm...that reminds me.....
popcorn......yum...
anyway....
Bunny trail!
I don't see a hand or a foot, yet, but I see my stomach going "POP"....."pop"...."POPOPOPOPOP".
Baby boy is moving around, getting comfortable.
It's really comical. I put my hand on my stomach, and talk to him...and he'll move around a bit, and I'll play with him, by poking my stomach a bit...
He only likes to move around either really late at night or early in the morning...like right now, I feel him a bit. I don't consider it too early, but I'm also still attempting to wake up.
The other night, I put Jacob's hand on my stomach, and told him to wait for 5 or 10 minutes. He had yet to really feel him move, so as we were getting ready to go to sleep (during high movement time), I put his hand on my stomach, and we waited. And waited. And waited. after about 5 minutes, there was no movement (Baby boy is stubborn....just like his daddy...and mommy). I poked around my stomach and said, "Come on...I know this is the time you want to move around..." And sure enough, he started moving around, and he apparently didn't like me poking him, so he kicked right where Jacob's hand was! The first big kick! He scared me...i wasn't expecting a kick; i was expecting a rolling around. I said, "OH! did you feel that?!" and Jacob said, "yeah! that was the baby??" "Of course! what else could it be?!"
Lately, I've been having symptoms of what i think is a sinus infection...have all the symptoms. I have been talking with those around me who've recently had babies, and they all said that they had the symptoms of a sinus infection but with out the infection...which i guess i can handle...i'd rather not have an infection seeing how i can't take antibiotics, exactly....
I'm laughing a lot right now...a lot of people have commented on how BIG i've become...
well...
the news is:
i've not gained any weight. literally.
before i got pregnant, i was losing weight. i lost about 5 pounds, then found out i was pregnant. so, in the 4 and a half months since, I have only put on that 5 pounds, and maybe a few ounces.
it's all baby.
It kind of looks like a bag of popcorn....except there is no popcorn inside of my stomach....
hmmm...that reminds me.....
popcorn......yum...
anyway....
Bunny trail!
I don't see a hand or a foot, yet, but I see my stomach going "POP"....."pop"...."POPOPOPOPOP".
Baby boy is moving around, getting comfortable.
It's really comical. I put my hand on my stomach, and talk to him...and he'll move around a bit, and I'll play with him, by poking my stomach a bit...
He only likes to move around either really late at night or early in the morning...like right now, I feel him a bit. I don't consider it too early, but I'm also still attempting to wake up.
The other night, I put Jacob's hand on my stomach, and told him to wait for 5 or 10 minutes. He had yet to really feel him move, so as we were getting ready to go to sleep (during high movement time), I put his hand on my stomach, and we waited. And waited. And waited. after about 5 minutes, there was no movement (Baby boy is stubborn....just like his daddy...and mommy). I poked around my stomach and said, "Come on...I know this is the time you want to move around..." And sure enough, he started moving around, and he apparently didn't like me poking him, so he kicked right where Jacob's hand was! The first big kick! He scared me...i wasn't expecting a kick; i was expecting a rolling around. I said, "OH! did you feel that?!" and Jacob said, "yeah! that was the baby??" "Of course! what else could it be?!"
Lately, I've been having symptoms of what i think is a sinus infection...have all the symptoms. I have been talking with those around me who've recently had babies, and they all said that they had the symptoms of a sinus infection but with out the infection...which i guess i can handle...i'd rather not have an infection seeing how i can't take antibiotics, exactly....
I'm laughing a lot right now...a lot of people have commented on how BIG i've become...
well...
the news is:
i've not gained any weight. literally.
before i got pregnant, i was losing weight. i lost about 5 pounds, then found out i was pregnant. so, in the 4 and a half months since, I have only put on that 5 pounds, and maybe a few ounces.
it's all baby.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Our darling baby boy!
These are the 20 week ultrasound pictures of our beautiful baby boy!
I was scared to learn what was growing and kicking inside of me was a boy...honestly. I am far more comfortable with a girl, however, I knew deep DEEP down that God was going to give us a boy.
I could sit here and say, "Just my luck...of course He would give us a boy to challenge me and my thinking and teaching..."
But that is not the case.
The whole reason I knew...
I dreamed a dream.
I know this may be silly to some of you...
Many years ago, before Jacob and I were even dating, I had a dream.
I didn't admit to myself that I had feelings for this man...let alone to anyone else, until I had this dream.
It wasn't anything glamorous. But it involved my husband and a little boy sitting on a couch in a house and me, carrying a laundry basket.
I didn't know at the time it was a promise from God. Then, we got married. I started to clue in.
"Maybe this is something bigger than us."
Yes. We are but small grains of sand.
This baby boy of ours is another evidence of God's promise! Almost saying, "I haven't forgotten."
Don't neglect your dreams. They may be selfish. They may be materialistic. They may be down-right silly. But they may be from God. And those dreams, when lived out, are much better than to be expected.
Monday, October 19, 2009
so many random thoughts
*you know you're pregnant when you can walk outside in 30 degree weather in a t-shirt and jeans and be comfortable...
*i've never been to a chiropractor before. i am so glad i have been now...
*my sister has the swine flu! please pray for her and that her kids do not get it!
*i'm really glad we didn't go over to their house yesterday...that could've been really bad...
*i really want to eat! but why can't i stand to look at food???
*i've never been to a chiropractor before. i am so glad i have been now...
*my sister has the swine flu! please pray for her and that her kids do not get it!
*i'm really glad we didn't go over to their house yesterday...that could've been really bad...
*i really want to eat! but why can't i stand to look at food???
Monday, October 5, 2009
thinking...
i find that when i think, i get into trouble. i think about all the bad stuff. i think about how to deal with it. i then become disgruntled with my life and situations.
not that thinking is bad, mind you. it's good! but i don't just think...i DWELL.
and for some reason, my brain is practically made to dwell on the bad stuff....
like, for example:
my job. i'm 3 months pregnant, and i got to work every day and put on an apron. i was REALLY hoping to be at a different job by the time i got pregnant, but, that didn't happen. i really don't want to be 4 months pregnant and working in the cafe, but it's looking like i'm not goign to have much of a choice.
my home. i really would love to be able to paint my baby's nursery, but our landlord doesn't want us to hang pictures, let alone, PAINT.
my husband. i LOVE him. i really do! i have the utmost respect for him. he provides for me and our child, and he loves us unconditionally. yet, the one thing i think about is not that he loves us, or that he's faithful to me and to God, or not even all the hard work he does around the house. what i think about: why can't he do the dishes? it's the ONE thing i have asked him to help me out with. and with my back pain, the LAST thing i want to do is work 8.5 hours, all day on my feet, come home, make dinner, and then have to wash and dry all the dishes...
i don't want our child brought into a home where i am constantly down, or always putting my husband down, or having nothing but negative thoughts.
Lord, transform my mind to be more like you. Filter my thoughts so that they glorify You and Your creation. Transform my thinking!
earlier i mentioned back pain. i don't know why, or if it's even pregnancy related, but i have had the WORST back pain in my lower right side. i can't explain it...but i can't move when it's hurting....i tried calling the doctors office last friday, but they were closed a half hour early. oh well....this will be the last time i use their services! :o)
not that thinking is bad, mind you. it's good! but i don't just think...i DWELL.
and for some reason, my brain is practically made to dwell on the bad stuff....
like, for example:
my job. i'm 3 months pregnant, and i got to work every day and put on an apron. i was REALLY hoping to be at a different job by the time i got pregnant, but, that didn't happen. i really don't want to be 4 months pregnant and working in the cafe, but it's looking like i'm not goign to have much of a choice.
my home. i really would love to be able to paint my baby's nursery, but our landlord doesn't want us to hang pictures, let alone, PAINT.
my husband. i LOVE him. i really do! i have the utmost respect for him. he provides for me and our child, and he loves us unconditionally. yet, the one thing i think about is not that he loves us, or that he's faithful to me and to God, or not even all the hard work he does around the house. what i think about: why can't he do the dishes? it's the ONE thing i have asked him to help me out with. and with my back pain, the LAST thing i want to do is work 8.5 hours, all day on my feet, come home, make dinner, and then have to wash and dry all the dishes...
i don't want our child brought into a home where i am constantly down, or always putting my husband down, or having nothing but negative thoughts.
Lord, transform my mind to be more like you. Filter my thoughts so that they glorify You and Your creation. Transform my thinking!
earlier i mentioned back pain. i don't know why, or if it's even pregnancy related, but i have had the WORST back pain in my lower right side. i can't explain it...but i can't move when it's hurting....i tried calling the doctors office last friday, but they were closed a half hour early. oh well....this will be the last time i use their services! :o)
Friday, October 2, 2009
latest
This weekend marks the beginning of my 12th week of pregnancy. soo excited! i've had less and less morning sickness (PRAISE YOU JESUS!), and i've had lots and lots more energy...which isn't really saying a lot, b/c i had ZERO before, but i am feeling more energized.
the only problem i am facing now:
I found out my 4th week that i have a cycst on my right ovaries. this hasn't been a problem until this week, when i suspect it's starting to "dissolve" itself....which is the most painful thing ever.
i have never had a cycst before, but from those who have, i've learned that as they "pop" you see a little trail of bleeding. however, i've not seen that. so i'm not sure if it's dissolving or not (i love the term "dissolving"....that's how the doctor referred to it going away...).
so i'm in lots of pain. weird thing is...it's in my back.
and i love the sympathy i get from work. i can't bend down. i can't pick up things. i can't move very well.
"oh you're such a wimp."
"how's this for wimp? Stick a fork three inches into your soft back tissue, twist it 10 times. leave it there. go about your daily routine....oh, and imagine having a stomach flu...but you can't throw up, because you work around food. try it. then see how ya feel. oh and you can't take any medication b/c you're allergic to it all..."
that's what i'm dealing with. i love being told to "suck it up and deal...wimp" when i have tears in my eyes from the pain.
the only problem i am facing now:
I found out my 4th week that i have a cycst on my right ovaries. this hasn't been a problem until this week, when i suspect it's starting to "dissolve" itself....which is the most painful thing ever.
i have never had a cycst before, but from those who have, i've learned that as they "pop" you see a little trail of bleeding. however, i've not seen that. so i'm not sure if it's dissolving or not (i love the term "dissolving"....that's how the doctor referred to it going away...).
so i'm in lots of pain. weird thing is...it's in my back.
and i love the sympathy i get from work. i can't bend down. i can't pick up things. i can't move very well.
"oh you're such a wimp."
"how's this for wimp? Stick a fork three inches into your soft back tissue, twist it 10 times. leave it there. go about your daily routine....oh, and imagine having a stomach flu...but you can't throw up, because you work around food. try it. then see how ya feel. oh and you can't take any medication b/c you're allergic to it all..."
that's what i'm dealing with. i love being told to "suck it up and deal...wimp" when i have tears in my eyes from the pain.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
painting pictures of Egypt
The song by Sara Groves came onto my radio leaving my best friends house after a bitter-sweet meeting with my cell leader.
The song "Painting Pictures of Egypt" describes EXACTLY how i feel right about now.
Lyrics:
"I don'ting to want to leave here
I don't want to stay,
It feels like pinch me either way.
The places I long for the most are the places where I've been
They are calling after me like a long lost friend.
It's not about losing faith,
It's not about trust,
It's all about comfortable when you move so much.
The place I was wasn't perfect but I had found a way to live.
It wasn't milk or honey but then neither is this.
I've been painting pictures of Egypt leaving out what it lacked.
The future feels so hard and I want to go back.
But the places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned
and those roads were closed off to me
while my back was turned.
The past is so tangible, I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy to discard.
I was longing for some freedom
But now I hesitate to go,
I am caught between the promise and the things I know.
I've been painting pictures of Egypt leaving out what it lacked.
The future feels so hard and I want to go back.
But the places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned
And those roads were closed off to me while my back was turned.
If it comes too quick
I may not recognize it.
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand.
If it comes too quick,
I may not appreciate it.
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand."
I never really heard this song...i mean...i've owned the CD for YEARS! and i thought the song was pretty...
but i've never really connected to the song. it's one of those songs that i listen to 10 years later and finally "CLICK".
I loved Cornerstone. it had/has its faults. but i loved it. even today, i was thinking about going back. i debated what would happen with Jacob and I if we went to separate churches.
i have serious doubts about bringing a baby into this current church.
when we announced our pregnancy, people who haven't spoken to me in two months were coming up and congratulating me. People who haven't spoken to me in six months were ignoring me and walking up to Jacob congratulating him.
I don't want to have a baby just to be considered apart of this church. And if those "certain" people think they can get near my baby just because they cherish JACOB as a member of that body, but completely ignore me....they are sadly mistaken.
I KNOW Jacob is special. I wouldn't have given him a second thought if I didn't think he was special, let alone marry the man. But, at a church, where one person is special....ALL are supposed to be special. I'm not special just because i'm connected to Jacob. that's ridiculous. I'm special because i'm a member of the family of God.
I know I've looked back too much at my old church, "painting pictures." I know that's wrong. BUT...when the future looks as scary as the present, it's near impossible to go forward, without wanting to run away.
The past is sooooo tangible. I can almost taste it. It was good. I grew so much. MUCH more than in the last two years even.
Yet, even the roads to my past are closed off to me.....while my back was turned. Cornerstone is a much different place now. Pastor Tim has left. My cell leader is stepping down. The familiar faces have disappeared. The few that remain are different than when I was there. maybe that's not a bad thing, but it's hard to go back to something that's completely different than you remember.
Lord, take my pictures. take me. take this church. transform it. mold it to be something that glorifies you. Let us radiate You. You know we have problems growing. let the problem not be that we don't shine You everyday. transform us to be more and more like you. give me wisdom. be with me. every sunday. I NEED You. More than water, more than life itself...i NEED You.
The song "Painting Pictures of Egypt" describes EXACTLY how i feel right about now.
Lyrics:
"I don'ting to want to leave here
I don't want to stay,
It feels like pinch me either way.
The places I long for the most are the places where I've been
They are calling after me like a long lost friend.
It's not about losing faith,
It's not about trust,
It's all about comfortable when you move so much.
The place I was wasn't perfect but I had found a way to live.
It wasn't milk or honey but then neither is this.
I've been painting pictures of Egypt leaving out what it lacked.
The future feels so hard and I want to go back.
But the places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned
and those roads were closed off to me
while my back was turned.
The past is so tangible, I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy to discard.
I was longing for some freedom
But now I hesitate to go,
I am caught between the promise and the things I know.
I've been painting pictures of Egypt leaving out what it lacked.
The future feels so hard and I want to go back.
But the places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned
And those roads were closed off to me while my back was turned.
If it comes too quick
I may not recognize it.
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand.
If it comes too quick,
I may not appreciate it.
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand."
I never really heard this song...i mean...i've owned the CD for YEARS! and i thought the song was pretty...
but i've never really connected to the song. it's one of those songs that i listen to 10 years later and finally "CLICK".
I loved Cornerstone. it had/has its faults. but i loved it. even today, i was thinking about going back. i debated what would happen with Jacob and I if we went to separate churches.
i have serious doubts about bringing a baby into this current church.
when we announced our pregnancy, people who haven't spoken to me in two months were coming up and congratulating me. People who haven't spoken to me in six months were ignoring me and walking up to Jacob congratulating him.
I don't want to have a baby just to be considered apart of this church. And if those "certain" people think they can get near my baby just because they cherish JACOB as a member of that body, but completely ignore me....they are sadly mistaken.
I KNOW Jacob is special. I wouldn't have given him a second thought if I didn't think he was special, let alone marry the man. But, at a church, where one person is special....ALL are supposed to be special. I'm not special just because i'm connected to Jacob. that's ridiculous. I'm special because i'm a member of the family of God.
I know I've looked back too much at my old church, "painting pictures." I know that's wrong. BUT...when the future looks as scary as the present, it's near impossible to go forward, without wanting to run away.
The past is sooooo tangible. I can almost taste it. It was good. I grew so much. MUCH more than in the last two years even.
Yet, even the roads to my past are closed off to me.....while my back was turned. Cornerstone is a much different place now. Pastor Tim has left. My cell leader is stepping down. The familiar faces have disappeared. The few that remain are different than when I was there. maybe that's not a bad thing, but it's hard to go back to something that's completely different than you remember.
Lord, take my pictures. take me. take this church. transform it. mold it to be something that glorifies you. Let us radiate You. You know we have problems growing. let the problem not be that we don't shine You everyday. transform us to be more and more like you. give me wisdom. be with me. every sunday. I NEED You. More than water, more than life itself...i NEED You.
Annnnnndddddddddd, We're off!
just got an email from jacob about all our weekends in september...
between that email and birthday weekends, i BETTER get the apartment cleaned because this is probably going to be my last opportunity to clean.....
between that email and birthday weekends, i BETTER get the apartment cleaned because this is probably going to be my last opportunity to clean.....
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
annoying parts of being pregnant...
*Constantly being asked, "any weird cravings, yet?" if i have, what's it to you, and if i haven't, why are you so surprised?
*"What names are you looking at?" If we wanted you to know, we would've told you.
*people dismissing my morning sickness. if i can't stand upright...i may not be able to just "get over it."
*being "fat" not quite "pregnant" yet...
*"What names are you looking at?" If we wanted you to know, we would've told you.
*people dismissing my morning sickness. if i can't stand upright...i may not be able to just "get over it."
*being "fat" not quite "pregnant" yet...
Monday, August 24, 2009
Every day is a revolution
ttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JAH_V3gb5c
Brad Paisley has a new song out. I couldn't remember what it was called, so I had to do some digging.
It's called "Welcome to the Future."
It's full of irony (Brad Paisley style), and it's full of wisdom (Brad Paisley style).
There's a line in this song that says, "Everyday is a revolution."
Embrace it. Everyday is a revolution.
Are we ready?
Today is a revolution...if you let it..
Brad Paisley has a new song out. I couldn't remember what it was called, so I had to do some digging.
It's called "Welcome to the Future."
It's full of irony (Brad Paisley style), and it's full of wisdom (Brad Paisley style).
There's a line in this song that says, "Everyday is a revolution."
Embrace it. Everyday is a revolution.
Are we ready?
Today is a revolution...if you let it..
Sunday, August 23, 2009
long time...new news...
Many of you have heard, and if not, then you will hear now:
Jacob and I are expecting a baby in April 2010!
We are GREATLY excited.
I fight a little morning sickness just about everyday and purely exhausted 99.9% of the time. Other than that, I'm feeling fine!
We're about 7 weeks along; we've heard the heartbeat, and baby sounds healthy!!
I have been spending a lot of time wondering what kind of parents we will be...
Will I be stressed, like my mom? Or distant, guilt-ridden like my dad?
I know that Jacob will be a good dad. I'm not worried about him at all. But I do wonder if we will meet the needs of our children. How do we instill the Word of God in this being without pushing him or her away from Father God? Will we give each child the right amount of attention to avoid "middle-child-syndrome"?
Lord, You are good. I submit myself to You, asking You to shape me into the woman of God You desire for me to be... Help me to be the mother You desire for my children to see. Shape my character so that You are all they see. Show me Your ways.
Jacob and I are expecting a baby in April 2010!
We are GREATLY excited.
I fight a little morning sickness just about everyday and purely exhausted 99.9% of the time. Other than that, I'm feeling fine!
We're about 7 weeks along; we've heard the heartbeat, and baby sounds healthy!!
I have been spending a lot of time wondering what kind of parents we will be...
Will I be stressed, like my mom? Or distant, guilt-ridden like my dad?
I know that Jacob will be a good dad. I'm not worried about him at all. But I do wonder if we will meet the needs of our children. How do we instill the Word of God in this being without pushing him or her away from Father God? Will we give each child the right amount of attention to avoid "middle-child-syndrome"?
Lord, You are good. I submit myself to You, asking You to shape me into the woman of God You desire for me to be... Help me to be the mother You desire for my children to see. Shape my character so that You are all they see. Show me Your ways.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
back to the grind...
She stood there- Alone.
Hm- she thought cynically. There's that word again.
She has experienced a lot of that word--Alone.
As she thought back through the last year, the move from Paris, to the end of her relationships here, to losing her job - and her father (the only family she has ever known), she picked up the razor and touched it to her skin. The cold blade pressed down on her skin as the warm water ran off of her body.
"Tempting," she found herself saying out loud with a heavy chuckle. She pulled the razor up her calve as tears ran down her face, getting lost in the shower water.
OK guys. thanks for reading.
when i was younger, i always wanted to be a writer of some sorts. i LOVED writing short stories (longer than this little....THING), and when i was introduced to Jesus, i wanted to write things that glorified Him.
yet, a few years ago, i lost it. amibition, drive, creativity, you name it and i lost it. my short stories and notes i had went to a folder i have yet to find, but they stayed hidden for close to 5 years now.
so this morning when i started getting these phrases in my head, i HAD to put them on paper, and they started forming a story.
not a pleasant one, but one none the less.
for example, reading the above paragraphs make you scared, and saddened, right? they should! there are many people out there hurting in this manner, where they are tempted and follow through with self afflicted wounds, and who ARE alone.
who are we to them? are we companionship? are we love? are we listeners? are we pray-ers? what do we do for them? do we wrap our arms around them? do we give them hope?
now, this little snippet of words is no where near my best, and my ideal. it's the first thing i've written in 5 years!! i'm not expecting the Illiad and i hope you're not either!
also, this is NOT based on any particular person. Paris came from watching too much Gilmore Girls.
all this means is i'm more motivated...maybe....who knows? ;-)
Hm- she thought cynically. There's that word again.
She has experienced a lot of that word--Alone.
As she thought back through the last year, the move from Paris, to the end of her relationships here, to losing her job - and her father (the only family she has ever known), she picked up the razor and touched it to her skin. The cold blade pressed down on her skin as the warm water ran off of her body.
"Tempting," she found herself saying out loud with a heavy chuckle. She pulled the razor up her calve as tears ran down her face, getting lost in the shower water.
OK guys. thanks for reading.
when i was younger, i always wanted to be a writer of some sorts. i LOVED writing short stories (longer than this little....THING), and when i was introduced to Jesus, i wanted to write things that glorified Him.
yet, a few years ago, i lost it. amibition, drive, creativity, you name it and i lost it. my short stories and notes i had went to a folder i have yet to find, but they stayed hidden for close to 5 years now.
so this morning when i started getting these phrases in my head, i HAD to put them on paper, and they started forming a story.
not a pleasant one, but one none the less.
for example, reading the above paragraphs make you scared, and saddened, right? they should! there are many people out there hurting in this manner, where they are tempted and follow through with self afflicted wounds, and who ARE alone.
who are we to them? are we companionship? are we love? are we listeners? are we pray-ers? what do we do for them? do we wrap our arms around them? do we give them hope?
now, this little snippet of words is no where near my best, and my ideal. it's the first thing i've written in 5 years!! i'm not expecting the Illiad and i hope you're not either!
also, this is NOT based on any particular person. Paris came from watching too much Gilmore Girls.
all this means is i'm more motivated...maybe....who knows? ;-)
Friday, June 5, 2009
i wish i could not be sick anymore...
So...
today at work, i worked for maybe 5 minutes, before having to sit down before i passed out. this hasn't happened in several years, but i basically knew how to handle myself when this DOES happen, however, b/c i was at work, i tried to push myself and pushed myself too hard.
i sat down on the floor of the cafe, which, no, isn't the ideal place to rest, but when i had cold sweats, it felt good. from where i was sitting, i crawled over to the phone to page Kris, the manager on duty. she came up, and i said, "i feel like i'm going to pass out." she told me to put my head between my legs and to sit still. i did for about 5 minutes, then crawled over to the trash can to get sick. now, i haven't done that in YEARS! i, in fact, never throw up. i can't even remember the last time i threw up....but today, was a first.
i sat there a few minutes, and couldn't stop. it was not fun. Kris came over, and she got me some crackers and water, and that helped a bit. i attempted to stand up to go to the bathroom, and that wasn't fun...had some trouble walking...but made it without hurting myself.
earlier this week, i battled a cold, with a runny nose, drainage, the whole nine yards....
two weeks ago, i had strep throat.
i am SO ready NOT to be sick anymore.
first of all: Heather, we are praying for Brandt, and his recovery. know this: i truly think you will be rewarded for your patient endurance and so will Brandt.
secondly: I am NOT pregnant. i am SURE Kris will ask me, but i am NOT. it was NOT morning sickness (Mother nature confirmed that tonight).....
meanwhile, this weekend, we are headed up to PA to see Jacob's cousin Katie's high school graduation party. we will be missing out on the actual graduation, as that is happening tonight, but we will be there for the party.
and in a few more weeks, we will be celebrating our one year anniversary. i hope and PRAY that i will NOT be sick for that! i want to ENJOY it more than i did our wedding day....
anyway, we will be praying for all who are sick...if you could pray for us! :o)
today at work, i worked for maybe 5 minutes, before having to sit down before i passed out. this hasn't happened in several years, but i basically knew how to handle myself when this DOES happen, however, b/c i was at work, i tried to push myself and pushed myself too hard.
i sat down on the floor of the cafe, which, no, isn't the ideal place to rest, but when i had cold sweats, it felt good. from where i was sitting, i crawled over to the phone to page Kris, the manager on duty. she came up, and i said, "i feel like i'm going to pass out." she told me to put my head between my legs and to sit still. i did for about 5 minutes, then crawled over to the trash can to get sick. now, i haven't done that in YEARS! i, in fact, never throw up. i can't even remember the last time i threw up....but today, was a first.
i sat there a few minutes, and couldn't stop. it was not fun. Kris came over, and she got me some crackers and water, and that helped a bit. i attempted to stand up to go to the bathroom, and that wasn't fun...had some trouble walking...but made it without hurting myself.
earlier this week, i battled a cold, with a runny nose, drainage, the whole nine yards....
two weeks ago, i had strep throat.
i am SO ready NOT to be sick anymore.
first of all: Heather, we are praying for Brandt, and his recovery. know this: i truly think you will be rewarded for your patient endurance and so will Brandt.
secondly: I am NOT pregnant. i am SURE Kris will ask me, but i am NOT. it was NOT morning sickness (Mother nature confirmed that tonight).....
meanwhile, this weekend, we are headed up to PA to see Jacob's cousin Katie's high school graduation party. we will be missing out on the actual graduation, as that is happening tonight, but we will be there for the party.
and in a few more weeks, we will be celebrating our one year anniversary. i hope and PRAY that i will NOT be sick for that! i want to ENJOY it more than i did our wedding day....
anyway, we will be praying for all who are sick...if you could pray for us! :o)
Monday, June 1, 2009
the first year
June 1st.
hard to believe, that in 27 days, we will have been married for 1 year.
1 year ago, at this time, i don't know if i can say exactly what i was doing. probably trying to avoid wedding planning. i can't understand why people do it for a living. my experience was less than desirable. the only thing i can say is this: Praise Jesus it's only once!
if i were to go back and go through it again (PLEASE, LORD! NO!), i would have done a LOT of things differently.
obviously, the 1 bridesmaid who didn't partake in anything, would be removed.
the two that talked about me behind my back would be different people.
and the one who did everything for me, would be held in higher honor.
and the one thing that i wished SOMEONE would've told me:
"The first year of marriage is the loneliest."
would i have listened?
Probably not. but i would've been fore-warned.
would i have cared?
Not too much. my thinking was: my friends will always be there for me!
yes, a few have stuck around. some have disappeared, and others are coming out of the woodworks, while others are running into the woodworks!
but i was naive. to say the least.
when i got married, i was very far from God. went to church for the main reason i knew if i didn't i would probably disappoint Jacob, and because i knew if i didn't, there would be no turning around. i still feared God. i just didn't care what He had to say about anything.
6 months later, i tried to turn my life around on my own. but that didn't work. i could say positive things. i could do good things, but that wouldn't mean anything if Christ wasn't behind it...and He wasn't.
4 months ago, Jesus finally grabbed ahold of me again. am i where i want to be?
NO.
am i happy where i am?
a little more-so.
am i still lonely?
yep.
do i have friends that love me?
yep.
does that really matter?
nope.
"only for the lonely, o Lord, i find that you are drawing me closer to this vine."
hard to believe, that in 27 days, we will have been married for 1 year.
1 year ago, at this time, i don't know if i can say exactly what i was doing. probably trying to avoid wedding planning. i can't understand why people do it for a living. my experience was less than desirable. the only thing i can say is this: Praise Jesus it's only once!
if i were to go back and go through it again (PLEASE, LORD! NO!), i would have done a LOT of things differently.
obviously, the 1 bridesmaid who didn't partake in anything, would be removed.
the two that talked about me behind my back would be different people.
and the one who did everything for me, would be held in higher honor.
and the one thing that i wished SOMEONE would've told me:
"The first year of marriage is the loneliest."
would i have listened?
Probably not. but i would've been fore-warned.
would i have cared?
Not too much. my thinking was: my friends will always be there for me!
yes, a few have stuck around. some have disappeared, and others are coming out of the woodworks, while others are running into the woodworks!
but i was naive. to say the least.
when i got married, i was very far from God. went to church for the main reason i knew if i didn't i would probably disappoint Jacob, and because i knew if i didn't, there would be no turning around. i still feared God. i just didn't care what He had to say about anything.
6 months later, i tried to turn my life around on my own. but that didn't work. i could say positive things. i could do good things, but that wouldn't mean anything if Christ wasn't behind it...and He wasn't.
4 months ago, Jesus finally grabbed ahold of me again. am i where i want to be?
NO.
am i happy where i am?
a little more-so.
am i still lonely?
yep.
do i have friends that love me?
yep.
does that really matter?
nope.
"only for the lonely, o Lord, i find that you are drawing me closer to this vine."
Friday, April 24, 2009
through adversity....greatness.
i don't typically watch the news; it's usually just too depressing and with all the scrolls going at the top, bottom and behind the news reporter, i can't keep up!
BUT i did hear something disturbing this morning. Secretary Janet Napolitano issued a report with Homeland security making aware of "Right-wing Terrorists." as i researched online, i learned that in a footnote, she described these "Right-wing Terrorists" as people "who oppose abortion and immigration".
The news reporter on TV reported that the footnote read as people who oppose abortion and are against gay marriage.
Jacob informed me that if you are among these "beliefs" (ie: religions that oppose abortion and gay marriage), then you are on a "watch-list."
My family came over to America in the late 1700's to escape very much similar religious persecution. they escaped Germany to the Netherlands, and from there, to America, where we've settled all across the country. we had families, because we cherish life.
we work hard, because we believe if you don't work hard, you don't eat.
we don't accept "hand-outs" because we believe in taking responsibilities for our mistakes.
I have a hard time thinking that there are people out there wouldn't take a baby dog (a puppy) to the SPCA because they know that the dog will be put to sleep if not found a good home. yet, because they choose to be irresponsible by having sex without some sort of birth control (they have IUDs....they last for 5 years. get one.), they punish a potentially great life by ceasing it!
yeah....its all about choice. you chose to have sex. you COULD have chosen not to. but you chose to.
or...if a woman is raped. yes. i see your point. it's a horrible thing that happened. i wouldn't know if i would have the strength in your position, but i would give it some serious thought. and know this: Greatness CAN come from adversity. and if i wouldn't have the strength to carry full term, i know someone who can give me that strength. His name, Jesus.
His mother became pregnant, and it wasn't from a wild night after partying and she wasn't raped. she said, "Ok, Lord, as you say, let it be."
however, she wasn't married. and she was pregnant in a time where if you were caught having sex before marriage, they'd take you out and throw large rocks at your head and body until you stopped breathing, and then they left your body for the birds and animals to consume.
BUT! because she chose to allow God to use her, even through this adversity, greatness came. NOW! ALL because of JESUS, we don't throw rocks at people as a form of justice. we don't have to take a lamb, a ram, or a dove to some random high place and cut it open to sacrifice to God.
We have GRACE....all we have to do is ask Him for it.
Why does he give us grace?
He also faced every adversity that we can imagine! he was whipped with leather bands that has broken pieces of clay stuck in it so that when it wrapped around his body, it would grab pieces of skin and rip it off.
then, he had his head stuck inside a rosebush.....
then he had stakes hammered into each of his hands....and not at the same time, but one done at a time. first his right hand, then his left hand, then....they forced his feet on top of each other and ran a stake into both of his feet, right through the bones.
and on his mind......
was you.
not the pain of the torture.
or the pain of seeing his friends deny knowing him....
or the pain of seeing his friends run away.
or the pain of having God turn his back on him, as he took on ALL the sins of the world.
"MY GOD! MY GOD! WHY HAVE YOU ABANDONED ME?!?!"
through this adversity, GREATNESS came. He suffered in Hell for three days! AWAY from his Father!
at his death, the earth shook and the curtain at the temple tore. the prophets rose from the grave. many were seen walking around.
i can't imagine looking beside me and seeing Jeremiah and Isaiah. or Ezekial. or Abraham. I would have so many questions to ask them.
It's all because of this, i have hope, i have a reason to live, and i'm also on a watch list for my country....the LAND OF THE FREE....because i cherish life? because i would rather keep the dog at my house, AND carry a baby to full term?
or because i believe in working hard? and RIGHTFULLY paying taxes???
or because i believe in the promises MY GOD has given me???
or is it because i believe in taking responsibility for my actions???
BUT i did hear something disturbing this morning. Secretary Janet Napolitano issued a report with Homeland security making aware of "Right-wing Terrorists." as i researched online, i learned that in a footnote, she described these "Right-wing Terrorists" as people "who oppose abortion and immigration".
The news reporter on TV reported that the footnote read as people who oppose abortion and are against gay marriage.
Jacob informed me that if you are among these "beliefs" (ie: religions that oppose abortion and gay marriage), then you are on a "watch-list."
My family came over to America in the late 1700's to escape very much similar religious persecution. they escaped Germany to the Netherlands, and from there, to America, where we've settled all across the country. we had families, because we cherish life.
we work hard, because we believe if you don't work hard, you don't eat.
we don't accept "hand-outs" because we believe in taking responsibilities for our mistakes.
I have a hard time thinking that there are people out there wouldn't take a baby dog (a puppy) to the SPCA because they know that the dog will be put to sleep if not found a good home. yet, because they choose to be irresponsible by having sex without some sort of birth control (they have IUDs....they last for 5 years. get one.), they punish a potentially great life by ceasing it!
yeah....its all about choice. you chose to have sex. you COULD have chosen not to. but you chose to.
or...if a woman is raped. yes. i see your point. it's a horrible thing that happened. i wouldn't know if i would have the strength in your position, but i would give it some serious thought. and know this: Greatness CAN come from adversity. and if i wouldn't have the strength to carry full term, i know someone who can give me that strength. His name, Jesus.
His mother became pregnant, and it wasn't from a wild night after partying and she wasn't raped. she said, "Ok, Lord, as you say, let it be."
however, she wasn't married. and she was pregnant in a time where if you were caught having sex before marriage, they'd take you out and throw large rocks at your head and body until you stopped breathing, and then they left your body for the birds and animals to consume.
BUT! because she chose to allow God to use her, even through this adversity, greatness came. NOW! ALL because of JESUS, we don't throw rocks at people as a form of justice. we don't have to take a lamb, a ram, or a dove to some random high place and cut it open to sacrifice to God.
We have GRACE....all we have to do is ask Him for it.
Why does he give us grace?
He also faced every adversity that we can imagine! he was whipped with leather bands that has broken pieces of clay stuck in it so that when it wrapped around his body, it would grab pieces of skin and rip it off.
then, he had his head stuck inside a rosebush.....
then he had stakes hammered into each of his hands....and not at the same time, but one done at a time. first his right hand, then his left hand, then....they forced his feet on top of each other and ran a stake into both of his feet, right through the bones.
and on his mind......
was you.
not the pain of the torture.
or the pain of seeing his friends deny knowing him....
or the pain of seeing his friends run away.
or the pain of having God turn his back on him, as he took on ALL the sins of the world.
"MY GOD! MY GOD! WHY HAVE YOU ABANDONED ME?!?!"
through this adversity, GREATNESS came. He suffered in Hell for three days! AWAY from his Father!
at his death, the earth shook and the curtain at the temple tore. the prophets rose from the grave. many were seen walking around.
i can't imagine looking beside me and seeing Jeremiah and Isaiah. or Ezekial. or Abraham. I would have so many questions to ask them.
It's all because of this, i have hope, i have a reason to live, and i'm also on a watch list for my country....the LAND OF THE FREE....because i cherish life? because i would rather keep the dog at my house, AND carry a baby to full term?
or because i believe in working hard? and RIGHTFULLY paying taxes???
or because i believe in the promises MY GOD has given me???
or is it because i believe in taking responsibility for my actions???
Friday, April 17, 2009
word creations
so...
maybe there's a word out there for the SELECT few people who write people off for their "political affiliations..."
such as this PATHETIC status update i saw on facebook:
"[so and so] thinks torturers and those telling them to torture should be punished."
This in and of itself is not bothersome...as i am not necessarily "pro-torture".
However....one of their "friends" who is also a local politician who runs primarily for the democratic party (and despite that i DID actually vote for him) left a comment stating:
"force them to listen to a half hour of Glen Beck (a republican show host- TV and radio). oh wait! they probably already do. nevermind."
This insinuates that the torturers are republican.
first of all, coming from someone who has tried to get into politics...i'm GLAD this man didn't win.
NANANANABOO BOO!
secondly, i just want to call out RACIST!
now....i know it's not about race.
but what do you call it when people are judging you based on your political affiliations and wrongfully so?
any takers???
maybe there's a word out there for the SELECT few people who write people off for their "political affiliations..."
such as this PATHETIC status update i saw on facebook:
"[so and so] thinks torturers and those telling them to torture should be punished."
This in and of itself is not bothersome...as i am not necessarily "pro-torture".
However....one of their "friends" who is also a local politician who runs primarily for the democratic party (and despite that i DID actually vote for him) left a comment stating:
"force them to listen to a half hour of Glen Beck (a republican show host- TV and radio). oh wait! they probably already do. nevermind."
This insinuates that the torturers are republican.
first of all, coming from someone who has tried to get into politics...i'm GLAD this man didn't win.
NANANANABOO BOO!
secondly, i just want to call out RACIST!
now....i know it's not about race.
but what do you call it when people are judging you based on your political affiliations and wrongfully so?
any takers???
Friday, April 10, 2009
update from last blog
Thank you everyone for the encouragement!
I want to update from what i last said in my blog the other day...
the truth is, I love our church. it's small, and it has its faults, but it is a home for us right now.
the truth is I am very insecure! and every sunday, i push my insecurity down and "suck it up and get it over with"!
and sometimes in the middle of the week, my insecurity catches up to me, and i just...."blow up."
not ideal, but that's just how i am.
i apologize for what i said, and how i said it, and if you were made uncomfortable or upset, i apologize.
i really am fine, and i really do love our body and the people there.
i AM struggling to fit in, but that's more my fault as anyone elses!
I want to update from what i last said in my blog the other day...
the truth is, I love our church. it's small, and it has its faults, but it is a home for us right now.
the truth is I am very insecure! and every sunday, i push my insecurity down and "suck it up and get it over with"!
and sometimes in the middle of the week, my insecurity catches up to me, and i just...."blow up."
not ideal, but that's just how i am.
i apologize for what i said, and how i said it, and if you were made uncomfortable or upset, i apologize.
i really am fine, and i really do love our body and the people there.
i AM struggling to fit in, but that's more my fault as anyone elses!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
simple irritations.
okay...
it's no news that i've been struggling at fitting in at our current church. it would be SO much easier for me to go to cornerstone, b/c i don't have to struggle. i have my friends there.
But at this church, there is NO ONE there the same age as me. i don't fit in with the young adults anymore.
i don't even fit in with the people who are closest in age to me. they typically have young children. and are all around in a different place in every aspect of their lives. and that's okay!
and yet, i try. i try to fit in with the people who i "should" be fitting in with.
and i'm done. i'm done trying. there's no reason for me to try. i'm the only one doing anything. so...have a nice life.
it's no news that i've been struggling at fitting in at our current church. it would be SO much easier for me to go to cornerstone, b/c i don't have to struggle. i have my friends there.
But at this church, there is NO ONE there the same age as me. i don't fit in with the young adults anymore.
i don't even fit in with the people who are closest in age to me. they typically have young children. and are all around in a different place in every aspect of their lives. and that's okay!
and yet, i try. i try to fit in with the people who i "should" be fitting in with.
and i'm done. i'm done trying. there's no reason for me to try. i'm the only one doing anything. so...have a nice life.
Friday, March 27, 2009
more random musings...
yesterday, i went to a funeral. I wonder if i'll see Big Lou in Heaven one day, but since right now i don't know, i'm not going to assume anything.
but as i sat there, in what was not only the nicest service i've been to in a year (last year was my grandfathers...that was pretty nice too!), it was also a very weird service. The minister OBVIOUSLY didn't know Big Lou. She pronounced his name wrong (last name: Ioia. try it...but it doesn't have an "n" anywhere in that name), in the program, instead of listing his name, it said, (and i quote) "name." PLUS, the committal was written out word for word, and it was rediculously long and redundant.
so...sitting there listening (and reading), i wondered, "I wonder what God is doing and thinking about this right now." I mean, Big Lou's body wasn't ours to begin with...yet, we're committing his body to the Lord?? I'm sure God had a chuckle at that...
But, since i'm not aware of Lou's relationship with Jesus, He was either laughing and dancing, or sobbing over the loss of one more child.
"Lord, penetrate my heart!"
~*More Random Musings!!*~
Australia is probably one of the best movies i've seen in a LONG time!
sometimes i despise old men. especially those that come into work. 3 of them told me (in their own special way) that i was moving too slow for them. this was after taking care of 8 customers with an average of 2 drinks per customer and a pretzal each, by myself, in a 6-10 minute period.
d-bags.
the other thing: why do you come in 3 times a day and make the same comments about the same things that you KNOW i can't change or do anything about it any faster.
don't ask me how much i make. my boss, my husband and only i know what that is. why would i tell a complete stranger?
"Jodi....THINK before you speak!"
After a conversation with my best friend, i've learned that my God is a *CrAzY* God. how else could my husband and i have gone through a lay-off for 2 months, the emotional trauma, the psychological trauma, the spiritual trauma, and soo much more in our first NINE months of marriage, ONLY to come out stronger than ever? because our God is a *CrAzY* God!
How else could i realize that yes, i could live without my husband if i needed to...but i have NO DESIRE to do so!
everytime we leave each other, whether its going to work or church at separate times, or something else that parts us, whenever we're in a hurry, sometimes i think:
"what if he doesn't come back?"
UGH!
what a horrible thought!!
But, it helps me to be thankful for everyday! everyday that we're together is another day that i love! if i don't want to get up to walk across the room to give him a kiss goodbye, that thought runs through my head.
i don't want to miss an opportunity for my husband to know that i love him more than anything else in this world.
so...
where does these random thoughts leave me for today?
lost. i had a point.
oh well.
but as i sat there, in what was not only the nicest service i've been to in a year (last year was my grandfathers...that was pretty nice too!), it was also a very weird service. The minister OBVIOUSLY didn't know Big Lou. She pronounced his name wrong (last name: Ioia. try it...but it doesn't have an "n" anywhere in that name), in the program, instead of listing his name, it said, (and i quote) "name." PLUS, the committal was written out word for word, and it was rediculously long and redundant.
so...sitting there listening (and reading), i wondered, "I wonder what God is doing and thinking about this right now." I mean, Big Lou's body wasn't ours to begin with...yet, we're committing his body to the Lord?? I'm sure God had a chuckle at that...
But, since i'm not aware of Lou's relationship with Jesus, He was either laughing and dancing, or sobbing over the loss of one more child.
"Lord, penetrate my heart!"
~*More Random Musings!!*~
Australia is probably one of the best movies i've seen in a LONG time!
sometimes i despise old men. especially those that come into work. 3 of them told me (in their own special way) that i was moving too slow for them. this was after taking care of 8 customers with an average of 2 drinks per customer and a pretzal each, by myself, in a 6-10 minute period.
d-bags.
the other thing: why do you come in 3 times a day and make the same comments about the same things that you KNOW i can't change or do anything about it any faster.
don't ask me how much i make. my boss, my husband and only i know what that is. why would i tell a complete stranger?
"Jodi....THINK before you speak!"
After a conversation with my best friend, i've learned that my God is a *CrAzY* God. how else could my husband and i have gone through a lay-off for 2 months, the emotional trauma, the psychological trauma, the spiritual trauma, and soo much more in our first NINE months of marriage, ONLY to come out stronger than ever? because our God is a *CrAzY* God!
How else could i realize that yes, i could live without my husband if i needed to...but i have NO DESIRE to do so!
everytime we leave each other, whether its going to work or church at separate times, or something else that parts us, whenever we're in a hurry, sometimes i think:
"what if he doesn't come back?"
UGH!
what a horrible thought!!
But, it helps me to be thankful for everyday! everyday that we're together is another day that i love! if i don't want to get up to walk across the room to give him a kiss goodbye, that thought runs through my head.
i don't want to miss an opportunity for my husband to know that i love him more than anything else in this world.
so...
where does these random thoughts leave me for today?
lost. i had a point.
oh well.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
my birthday!
This past Saturday, which ironically was the second day of spring, Jacob and I went on the Route 11 drive. of all times to do this, the best time is at the beginning of spring...when it's not too hot, and when it's not too cold. we made some stops along the way. One of them was at the covered bridge. I've never stopped there before, but the scenery was beautiful!
Another stop was the North Mountain Vineyards.
we tried some wine, and then it was off to the Olive Garden for my birthday dinner!
it was a lot of fun, just driving until we wanted to stop!
more to come!
Friday, March 20, 2009
random musings
How is it that I paid less without insurance than i did with insurance for the EXACT SAME doctor visit?
Praise God that my doctor visit was only $30!
Praise God that the nurse came back and double checked my blood pressure rather than assuming the first one was correct (when it was unusually high. she checked it thru my sweatshirt).
I love that my husband worries about me. it makes me laugh, and feel loved and cherished.
it makes me happy that i can clean on my day off...i'm looking forward to that feeling of accomplishment.
"i wanna learn you inside out." (lifehouse)
i want my birthday to be special. how many times do you turn 24 on the 24th?!
my husband makes me laugh. all he has to do is smile.
i'm torn. better safe than sorry, but i don't want to live my life in fear. do i venture out? stay in? if i stay in, do they win?
aggressive driving is no different than terrorism. you're just justifying it by saying you're an aggressive driver. you really are causing terror in people around you. plus, you're just really annoying.
the last thing you want to do is piss the people off who are handling your food. :o)
i have realized that in the last 9 months of marriage, we've dealt with more than people who've been married for 9 years. and we're stronger than ever.
"love is not a fight. but it's something worth fighting for."
why do we spend all of our time and energy fighting with each other when that time and energy could be better spent trying to get to know each other?
being honest is more than just blabbing out the truth. it's also knowing how to say the truth...this is also the hardest thing to learn...for me.
Praise God that my doctor visit was only $30!
Praise God that the nurse came back and double checked my blood pressure rather than assuming the first one was correct (when it was unusually high. she checked it thru my sweatshirt).
I love that my husband worries about me. it makes me laugh, and feel loved and cherished.
it makes me happy that i can clean on my day off...i'm looking forward to that feeling of accomplishment.
"i wanna learn you inside out." (lifehouse)
i want my birthday to be special. how many times do you turn 24 on the 24th?!
my husband makes me laugh. all he has to do is smile.
i'm torn. better safe than sorry, but i don't want to live my life in fear. do i venture out? stay in? if i stay in, do they win?
aggressive driving is no different than terrorism. you're just justifying it by saying you're an aggressive driver. you really are causing terror in people around you. plus, you're just really annoying.
the last thing you want to do is piss the people off who are handling your food. :o)
i have realized that in the last 9 months of marriage, we've dealt with more than people who've been married for 9 years. and we're stronger than ever.
"love is not a fight. but it's something worth fighting for."
why do we spend all of our time and energy fighting with each other when that time and energy could be better spent trying to get to know each other?
being honest is more than just blabbing out the truth. it's also knowing how to say the truth...this is also the hardest thing to learn...for me.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
time after time...
Time is such a weird thing...
you know how sometimes time just seems to "fly" by? it is almost like 5 minutes feels like 2 and when you look at your watch or clock, your initial reaction is, "oh my goodness! it's WHAT time?? how did it get this late?"
or.....sometimes it just is slow. yesterday was like this. 5 minutes felt like 20. i hated looking at the clock and often avoided my watch.
today was overall weird. just when i thought time was "flying" by, i'd look at my watch and my reaction would be like, "weird....i thought it should be later than that.."
it's hard to think that the same 60 seconds that's "flying" by is the exact same 60 seconds that's "dragging" on.
when i was in the 2nd grade, my teacher made us play a game. looking back i think what an idiot i was...but hey! it was the 2nd grade!
the teacher told us to stand at our desks. when we thought a minute had gone by, we were supposed to sit down. The teacher was playing except she had a clock. if i were smart, i'd have waited for her to sit down before i sat down....but oh well..i was an idiot.
that minute was a LONG minute. but it's the exact same minute as right now.
and here's what really blows my mind:
My minute (whether flying by or dragging on) is not the same as God's minute.
ugh.
my head hurts. :o\
you know how sometimes time just seems to "fly" by? it is almost like 5 minutes feels like 2 and when you look at your watch or clock, your initial reaction is, "oh my goodness! it's WHAT time?? how did it get this late?"
or.....sometimes it just is slow. yesterday was like this. 5 minutes felt like 20. i hated looking at the clock and often avoided my watch.
today was overall weird. just when i thought time was "flying" by, i'd look at my watch and my reaction would be like, "weird....i thought it should be later than that.."
it's hard to think that the same 60 seconds that's "flying" by is the exact same 60 seconds that's "dragging" on.
when i was in the 2nd grade, my teacher made us play a game. looking back i think what an idiot i was...but hey! it was the 2nd grade!
the teacher told us to stand at our desks. when we thought a minute had gone by, we were supposed to sit down. The teacher was playing except she had a clock. if i were smart, i'd have waited for her to sit down before i sat down....but oh well..i was an idiot.
that minute was a LONG minute. but it's the exact same minute as right now.
and here's what really blows my mind:
My minute (whether flying by or dragging on) is not the same as God's minute.
ugh.
my head hurts. :o\
Monday, March 16, 2009
nothing new...
We're busy working.
Jacob started working at Rosetta Stone about a month ago, and he's growing as a salesman. Usually he comes home with some new tidbit of information, excited to share it. As a part of his training, he is learning Spanish. Occasionally, he'll talk in his sleep and lately he's been speaking Spanish gibberish.
I've been working a lot and hosting a lot of "parties."
You name it:
Two Sisters Gourmet
Pampered Chef (coming up)
Mary Kay (coming up)
We have a new nephew! Jacob Matthew Morris!
He was born Feb. 26th, (i think). it was an emergency situation, and when he was born, he was 5 pounds and just a few ounces.
We got to see him Friday. He now weighs 5 pounds 5 ounces. and he's precious!
i'll hope to have pictures soon!
other than that...nothing new!
i'll keep ya updated!
Jacob started working at Rosetta Stone about a month ago, and he's growing as a salesman. Usually he comes home with some new tidbit of information, excited to share it. As a part of his training, he is learning Spanish. Occasionally, he'll talk in his sleep and lately he's been speaking Spanish gibberish.
I've been working a lot and hosting a lot of "parties."
You name it:
Two Sisters Gourmet
Pampered Chef (coming up)
Mary Kay (coming up)
We have a new nephew! Jacob Matthew Morris!
He was born Feb. 26th, (i think). it was an emergency situation, and when he was born, he was 5 pounds and just a few ounces.
We got to see him Friday. He now weighs 5 pounds 5 ounces. and he's precious!
i'll hope to have pictures soon!
other than that...nothing new!
i'll keep ya updated!
Monday, March 2, 2009
snow days...
i always feel guilty when calling into work.
i don't know what it is about it....maybe that i know what they go through when someone doesn't show up for a shift?? yeah...that's probably it..
but...this morning...i woke up at earlier than normal to look at the damage outside.
and these pictures were at 8 am. i was supposed to be at work at 7, so i surveyed the damage at 6 am. it was darker, still snowing (mixed with something harder than just snow...), and the forecast was "winter weather until 5pm." it didn't look good and i don't like driving in snow. maybe if i had a different car and more self-confidence....
so i made the decision to take a personal day. now....at 10 am....just 4 hours after making that decision and 3.5 hours after calling, i feel like an idiot. but...at 6:30 (when i would've been driving to work), it really wasn't safe. and i couldn't just say, "i'll be in when my road gets plowed"....because i didn't know when that was...and that's not nearly as fair as "here's my decision..."
Jacob called at 8:30 and said that he'll be in later. an hour later, he walks up and decided to chance it. in the 20 mins it took him to get ready, they apparently plowed the road.
yeah...okay...maybe i jumped the gun a bit....
but i did NOT feel comfortable driving to work. usually i'd call someone and say, "can you meet me at the bottom of the hill..."
but as you can see in the above picture, that wasn't even clear....and i do NOT want to be responsible for someone getting into an accident on my behalf.
plus, i definitely don't feel comfortable driving in inclement weather knowing if something were to happen.....
we don't have insurance....
so...we'd be paying any doctor bills out of pocket....
do NOT wanna do that...
so i'm being more, "safe than sorry..."
except right now, i do feel sorry for calling in.
ugh.
i don't know what it is about it....maybe that i know what they go through when someone doesn't show up for a shift?? yeah...that's probably it..
but...this morning...i woke up at earlier than normal to look at the damage outside.
and these pictures were at 8 am. i was supposed to be at work at 7, so i surveyed the damage at 6 am. it was darker, still snowing (mixed with something harder than just snow...), and the forecast was "winter weather until 5pm." it didn't look good and i don't like driving in snow. maybe if i had a different car and more self-confidence....
so i made the decision to take a personal day. now....at 10 am....just 4 hours after making that decision and 3.5 hours after calling, i feel like an idiot. but...at 6:30 (when i would've been driving to work), it really wasn't safe. and i couldn't just say, "i'll be in when my road gets plowed"....because i didn't know when that was...and that's not nearly as fair as "here's my decision..."
Jacob called at 8:30 and said that he'll be in later. an hour later, he walks up and decided to chance it. in the 20 mins it took him to get ready, they apparently plowed the road.
yeah...okay...maybe i jumped the gun a bit....
but i did NOT feel comfortable driving to work. usually i'd call someone and say, "can you meet me at the bottom of the hill..."
but as you can see in the above picture, that wasn't even clear....and i do NOT want to be responsible for someone getting into an accident on my behalf.
plus, i definitely don't feel comfortable driving in inclement weather knowing if something were to happen.....
we don't have insurance....
so...we'd be paying any doctor bills out of pocket....
do NOT wanna do that...
so i'm being more, "safe than sorry..."
except right now, i do feel sorry for calling in.
ugh.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
babies...
if he title of this blog has you wondering...
"Is she pregnant??"
the answer is...
no.
and at this point in time, where i would LOVE to have a baby, i don't think i could bring myself to be put in the situation where i could become pregnant...
i love my husband. i can't wait to have his child. but we are waiting...
no...the title of this blog is because Jacob and i got to see Frances and Jason's baby last night at UVA in the NICU. Jacob Matthew.
he came to us about 5 weeks early, but under extenuating circumstances, she couldn't carry him any longer.
my camera batteries are dead, so unfortunately i don't have any pictures to post just yet...but i will!
The name Jacob came from Frances' relationship with my husband...Jacob. they are tight brother and sister....though not blood.
He was so blessed to see this child with his name.
i would like to put meals together for this family....anyone like to help? let me know!
I know that these people don't really attend church that often....and i know that the mother doesn't really come at all...
but isn't that something that the church needs to do? reach out to the families who don't go to church? the "shut-ins" and those who have been hurt by the church in the past??
i have had people look at me and say, "i don't know those people, so i'm not going to help them."
Luke 6:32.
"But if you love those who love you, what good is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them."
We are indeed sinners, but we've been saved by grace, and there are sinners out there who are yet to be saved by grace....let's show them the grace God has given to us!
"Is she pregnant??"
the answer is...
no.
and at this point in time, where i would LOVE to have a baby, i don't think i could bring myself to be put in the situation where i could become pregnant...
i love my husband. i can't wait to have his child. but we are waiting...
no...the title of this blog is because Jacob and i got to see Frances and Jason's baby last night at UVA in the NICU. Jacob Matthew.
he came to us about 5 weeks early, but under extenuating circumstances, she couldn't carry him any longer.
my camera batteries are dead, so unfortunately i don't have any pictures to post just yet...but i will!
The name Jacob came from Frances' relationship with my husband...Jacob. they are tight brother and sister....though not blood.
He was so blessed to see this child with his name.
i would like to put meals together for this family....anyone like to help? let me know!
I know that these people don't really attend church that often....and i know that the mother doesn't really come at all...
but isn't that something that the church needs to do? reach out to the families who don't go to church? the "shut-ins" and those who have been hurt by the church in the past??
i have had people look at me and say, "i don't know those people, so i'm not going to help them."
Luke 6:32.
"But if you love those who love you, what good is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them."
We are indeed sinners, but we've been saved by grace, and there are sinners out there who are yet to be saved by grace....let's show them the grace God has given to us!
Monday, February 23, 2009
once again...been a while
as i finished catching up (again) on blogs....i find myself wanting to say things...
but i have to say this:
God is good.
beyond good.
AWESOME.
I am so proud of my husband.
in the first 8 months of our marriage, we've encountered many.....things. God is good.
we've been certain that our "honeymoon phase" will remain forever.
and we're willing to FIGHT for it to happen.
in a time of confession as husband and wife, one would think, "lifetime of hell, waiting right there. leave him now, it aint worth it."
but no. God has brought us closer than ever. we're learning.
life is a journey of learning....and it's WORTH every minute.
it might be tough and unpleasant...like last tuesday evening.
or it might be painful and hurtful, like last tuesday evening.
or it might be full of freedom and forgiveness....
like last tuesday evening.
we're not perfect. and we don't pretend to be.
we're reading through The Love Dare. it's featured in the movie Fireproof. The movie is good, by far!
and you don't have to be near divorce to benefit from this devotional. if you just want a better relationship, different ideas or something....read this.
now...
i will leave until probably tomorrow....
and then, i will share about last weekend...
and introduce some of you to a writer who's speaking, alone, amazed me. i haven't even read her books....yet.
but i have to say this:
God is good.
beyond good.
AWESOME.
I am so proud of my husband.
in the first 8 months of our marriage, we've encountered many.....things. God is good.
we've been certain that our "honeymoon phase" will remain forever.
and we're willing to FIGHT for it to happen.
in a time of confession as husband and wife, one would think, "lifetime of hell, waiting right there. leave him now, it aint worth it."
but no. God has brought us closer than ever. we're learning.
life is a journey of learning....and it's WORTH every minute.
it might be tough and unpleasant...like last tuesday evening.
or it might be painful and hurtful, like last tuesday evening.
or it might be full of freedom and forgiveness....
like last tuesday evening.
we're not perfect. and we don't pretend to be.
we're reading through The Love Dare. it's featured in the movie Fireproof. The movie is good, by far!
and you don't have to be near divorce to benefit from this devotional. if you just want a better relationship, different ideas or something....read this.
now...
i will leave until probably tomorrow....
and then, i will share about last weekend...
and introduce some of you to a writer who's speaking, alone, amazed me. i haven't even read her books....yet.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
oh me oh my
okay...i know i've dropped the ball when it comes to blogging and keeping updates acoming your way...
but it's been a crazy couple of weeks.
I've just about caught up on my list of blogs from all of you guys (and WOW. am i amazed!).
i was planning a valentines Banquet for our church. Dinner and a movie (showing Fireproof). it was such a joy to see it through!
we had about 40 + people show up, many from our church, many whom i've never met. Jacob was such a big help and encouragement! i literally don't think i could have done it without him. He really kept me going, calm and cool. it's nice to have Jesus walking with you in the form of your husband.
for our valentines, it was nice. we just stayed home, watching movies, lounging around. Jacob picked up a night shift at sheetz from 12-4 am. so i didn't hear him come in when he got home. i naturally wake up at least once or twice before 5 am, and when i woke up at 4:45 am that morning to not find him in bed, i got really worried. my incoherent brain took me all kinds of places. "what if the store had a hold-up? or if they were robbed? i wonder if he's ok. what if.....what if....?"
then i saw the light in the hall way come on, so i was fine. my imagination!
when i woke up at 8 to get started on breakfast, i came out to find flowers that he had bought for me at a cancer benefit!
if there is one thing about me: i ONLY love pink when MAJORITY (if not all) of the money goes to cancer research. if the money goes to a cancer survivor to help pay the bills of fighting that horrid disease...i love it even more.
then, i found this adorable card, and a poem he wrote for me! Just for me...sorry! :o)
so special!
with everything being as tight as it has been lately, i used (what little) skills i have in the kitchen to give Jacob a great valentines day.
i made a breakfast casserole using bacon and scrapple (called for sausage, but scrapple worked fine), eggs, salt, pepper, a tiny bit of milk and two slices of bread. i cut the bread in little squares and laid them in the bottom of the baking pan. layered bacon and scrapple (again, sausage would probably work better, as scrapple is just a little too fine), then mixed the eggs, milk, and salt and pepper, and poured that on top. added some cheddar cheese on top and baked it for about 30 mins at 350 degrees.
worked out well...
today is jacob's first day at rosetta stone, so...i'm goign to make a special dinner for him! trying to find out what though! :o)
blessings to you all!
but it's been a crazy couple of weeks.
I've just about caught up on my list of blogs from all of you guys (and WOW. am i amazed!).
i was planning a valentines Banquet for our church. Dinner and a movie (showing Fireproof). it was such a joy to see it through!
we had about 40 + people show up, many from our church, many whom i've never met. Jacob was such a big help and encouragement! i literally don't think i could have done it without him. He really kept me going, calm and cool. it's nice to have Jesus walking with you in the form of your husband.
for our valentines, it was nice. we just stayed home, watching movies, lounging around. Jacob picked up a night shift at sheetz from 12-4 am. so i didn't hear him come in when he got home. i naturally wake up at least once or twice before 5 am, and when i woke up at 4:45 am that morning to not find him in bed, i got really worried. my incoherent brain took me all kinds of places. "what if the store had a hold-up? or if they were robbed? i wonder if he's ok. what if.....what if....?"
then i saw the light in the hall way come on, so i was fine. my imagination!
when i woke up at 8 to get started on breakfast, i came out to find flowers that he had bought for me at a cancer benefit!
if there is one thing about me: i ONLY love pink when MAJORITY (if not all) of the money goes to cancer research. if the money goes to a cancer survivor to help pay the bills of fighting that horrid disease...i love it even more.
then, i found this adorable card, and a poem he wrote for me! Just for me...sorry! :o)
so special!
with everything being as tight as it has been lately, i used (what little) skills i have in the kitchen to give Jacob a great valentines day.
i made a breakfast casserole using bacon and scrapple (called for sausage, but scrapple worked fine), eggs, salt, pepper, a tiny bit of milk and two slices of bread. i cut the bread in little squares and laid them in the bottom of the baking pan. layered bacon and scrapple (again, sausage would probably work better, as scrapple is just a little too fine), then mixed the eggs, milk, and salt and pepper, and poured that on top. added some cheddar cheese on top and baked it for about 30 mins at 350 degrees.
worked out well...
today is jacob's first day at rosetta stone, so...i'm goign to make a special dinner for him! trying to find out what though! :o)
blessings to you all!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
update on Valentines banquet!
okay...
so, Feb. 15th, at 5 pm. Dinner and a movie!
tickets are $5 for adults 12+, $2.50 for children 3-12, and children 3 and under are FREE!
door prizes are a coming!
i was thinking earlier today.
i have such a strong battle with self doubt. it is literally crippling. i have run away from ministry opportunities just because of it. i have run away from job opportunities because of it. i have run away from relationships because of it. i run away from just about everything because of the elephant sitting on my chest. i can't breathe. i can't move, unless it's away. i can't even think.
yet, God brought me to this church, and even though i know i'm having a hard time, i know that it is He who brought me here. i may not understand what or why, but that's okay. i'm willing to be used and to learn without knowing those. it's unconditional.
yet, i think i got a glimpse earlier today:
Kathie, Pastor Tony's wife, has really stepped up beside me and helped me with this dinner. even when people were telling me that it couldn't happen because of time, she really stepped up and said, "we're doing this, and Jodi is heading it up." she's helped me and (more importantly) encouraged me.
i really feel like a baby when it comes to something like this. i've NEVER done anything at this multitude, and so i kinda feel like i need someone to hold my hand through this. i need lots of encouragement. if i for a second feel like i can't do it, in another second the elephant will be back where it was before: sitting on my chest, unwilling to move.
yes, i have had doubts about this. but i've only been encouraged to push through. even if only 10 couples show up; that's 10 couples that wouldn't have come otherwise. i'll be happy with that. if 50 couples show up, that's 50 more that i can give praise for!
This isn't me. this has never been about me. this is all for Jesus. if i'm used in the process, GREAT! if i'm pushed around in the process, i'll learn! as long as i can just believe in myself, i'll have succeeded.
so, Feb. 15th, at 5 pm. Dinner and a movie!
tickets are $5 for adults 12+, $2.50 for children 3-12, and children 3 and under are FREE!
door prizes are a coming!
i was thinking earlier today.
i have such a strong battle with self doubt. it is literally crippling. i have run away from ministry opportunities just because of it. i have run away from job opportunities because of it. i have run away from relationships because of it. i run away from just about everything because of the elephant sitting on my chest. i can't breathe. i can't move, unless it's away. i can't even think.
yet, God brought me to this church, and even though i know i'm having a hard time, i know that it is He who brought me here. i may not understand what or why, but that's okay. i'm willing to be used and to learn without knowing those. it's unconditional.
yet, i think i got a glimpse earlier today:
Kathie, Pastor Tony's wife, has really stepped up beside me and helped me with this dinner. even when people were telling me that it couldn't happen because of time, she really stepped up and said, "we're doing this, and Jodi is heading it up." she's helped me and (more importantly) encouraged me.
i really feel like a baby when it comes to something like this. i've NEVER done anything at this multitude, and so i kinda feel like i need someone to hold my hand through this. i need lots of encouragement. if i for a second feel like i can't do it, in another second the elephant will be back where it was before: sitting on my chest, unwilling to move.
yes, i have had doubts about this. but i've only been encouraged to push through. even if only 10 couples show up; that's 10 couples that wouldn't have come otherwise. i'll be happy with that. if 50 couples show up, that's 50 more that i can give praise for!
This isn't me. this has never been about me. this is all for Jesus. if i'm used in the process, GREAT! if i'm pushed around in the process, i'll learn! as long as i can just believe in myself, i'll have succeeded.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Valentines
So...Valentines is coming up quickly.
the news with that is that i'm kinda heading up a dinner and a movie being hosted by our church.
which is overwhelming.
but so far, i have lots of support, so it's going well! maybe even a little better than i originally thought.
last sunday, we had a quick meeting after church, and it turned into something a little longer.
there was some concern that we would need a license to show the movie. which i understand, because we were going to open the event up to the community, and hopefully use it as an outreach.
so...i was all prepared to let Pastor Tony and Kathie know that we wouldn't show the movie, because the license was $130, and we had ZERO money in the women's ministry account, as we are just starting it back up. however, there was a donation given and now we have the license!
So:
We will be showing the movie. Dinner at 5pm, movie afterwards. i'm very excited, and looking forward to it!
i'm still nervous, but it's good to know that i'm not alone in this!
the news with that is that i'm kinda heading up a dinner and a movie being hosted by our church.
which is overwhelming.
but so far, i have lots of support, so it's going well! maybe even a little better than i originally thought.
last sunday, we had a quick meeting after church, and it turned into something a little longer.
there was some concern that we would need a license to show the movie. which i understand, because we were going to open the event up to the community, and hopefully use it as an outreach.
so...i was all prepared to let Pastor Tony and Kathie know that we wouldn't show the movie, because the license was $130, and we had ZERO money in the women's ministry account, as we are just starting it back up. however, there was a donation given and now we have the license!
So:
We will be showing the movie. Dinner at 5pm, movie afterwards. i'm very excited, and looking forward to it!
i'm still nervous, but it's good to know that i'm not alone in this!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
my thoughts on the new president...
it's taken me a while to figure out how to word this:
i am having a really hard time respecting our new president. part of it is that he's a democrat...and he's pro-abortion...and i don't really know anything about him. the first time i've heard of him is when he started running for president.
another part of it is that he's a democrat....and all the democrats and liberals in our country are rejoicing while when President Bush was in office, did nothing but complain....and boy......did i hear it where i work. so...one thought is: WHY should i respect Pres. Obama, when i don't agree with him, while the sillies didn't respect Pres. Bush, when they didn't agree with him?
tell me? why?
anyway...
another part of it is: everyone thinks he is golden. everyone thinks he is fulfilling Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream. when in reality....it's not even close.
for example:
Pres. Obama is bi-racial. His father was black, (kenyan) and his mother was a white american. however, his skin tone is black, so what everyone sees is a black president.
i think it is even MORE momentous an occasion that a bi-racial man is the president, because in American history, bi-racial people were more hated than african americans.
but...
no. everyone is excited because we have a black president. and that is NOT the famous dream of MLK Jr.
"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character." (http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/mlkihaveadream.htm)
i am having a really hard time respecting our new president. part of it is that he's a democrat...and he's pro-abortion...and i don't really know anything about him. the first time i've heard of him is when he started running for president.
another part of it is that he's a democrat....and all the democrats and liberals in our country are rejoicing while when President Bush was in office, did nothing but complain....and boy......did i hear it where i work. so...one thought is: WHY should i respect Pres. Obama, when i don't agree with him, while the sillies didn't respect Pres. Bush, when they didn't agree with him?
tell me? why?
anyway...
another part of it is: everyone thinks he is golden. everyone thinks he is fulfilling Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream. when in reality....it's not even close.
for example:
Pres. Obama is bi-racial. His father was black, (kenyan) and his mother was a white american. however, his skin tone is black, so what everyone sees is a black president.
i think it is even MORE momentous an occasion that a bi-racial man is the president, because in American history, bi-racial people were more hated than african americans.
but...
no. everyone is excited because we have a black president. and that is NOT the famous dream of MLK Jr.
"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character." (http://www.americanrhetoric.com/speeches/mlkihaveadream.htm)
maybe i'm missing that everyone is excited because there is a democrat in the office with a democratic legislature....
but i'm not sensing that...i'm sensing that the excitement is that it's a black man in office. at least it's positive judgement.......?
meanwhile....
Congratulations, President Obama. I hope and pray that you and your family will be blessed throughout these next 4 years, and I hope and pray that you would be wise. And i also hope and pray that you will help this country become unified again and that you will NOT use my tax dollars to support the abortion clinics. Veto FOCA.
but i'm not sensing that...i'm sensing that the excitement is that it's a black man in office. at least it's positive judgement.......?
meanwhile....
Congratulations, President Obama. I hope and pray that you and your family will be blessed throughout these next 4 years, and I hope and pray that you would be wise. And i also hope and pray that you will help this country become unified again and that you will NOT use my tax dollars to support the abortion clinics. Veto FOCA.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
so it's been a busy week.
i know it's been a while since i've blogged. since Jacob lost his job, I've been trying to pick up more hours at work. the result: i'm exhausted.
i also know that several people won't read my blogs because of my poor use of punctuation. as a former english major, and one who has a passion for writing: believe me, if i could, i would fix it. however, my laptop's keys SUCK. i am often hitting backspace because the "A" key doesn't hit. like in my title on today's blog....i had to hit the same key 3 times before it actually registered on the screen. so...if you have anyway of advising me to clean them, please let me know. otherwise, i only have the patience to hit backspace once per word....not more than that. sorry.
anyway....
i have been working lots. it has helped me to see that not only do i not want to work retail past March, but it has lit a fire under my butt. i have finished my resume, and sent it into Rosetta Stone. I'm only hoping, but i have little to no expectations. It would definitely be nice to be making twice what i am now and working the same amount...i know that we could definitely use the money.
so..i'm in the process of planning a Valentines Banquet....Dinner and a movie. it's a lot, but it's for our church. trying to plan food and everything....it's overwhelming. it's my first time heading something like this up...and i'm not feeling very confident. i'm feeling very, scared i think would be a good word.
i'm also in the midst of reading The Shack. it's a good book, but i'm having a hard time getting through it.
With me working more, and Jacob not working at all (still waiting for sheetz to call....), he has REALLY stepped up and started taking on more around the house...for which i am grateful! he cleans the dishes and cooks dinner, and if i ask him to, he'll fold laundry and put it away! he's soo wonderful!!
as a result, i get home, eat dinner, and i'm so wiped out i fall asleep after working on my resume or job hunting or whatever i was working on. i'm usually out by 10 or 10:30. Man! i feel OLD!
anyway...i'll try to blog some more later!
i also know that several people won't read my blogs because of my poor use of punctuation. as a former english major, and one who has a passion for writing: believe me, if i could, i would fix it. however, my laptop's keys SUCK. i am often hitting backspace because the "A" key doesn't hit. like in my title on today's blog....i had to hit the same key 3 times before it actually registered on the screen. so...if you have anyway of advising me to clean them, please let me know. otherwise, i only have the patience to hit backspace once per word....not more than that. sorry.
anyway....
i have been working lots. it has helped me to see that not only do i not want to work retail past March, but it has lit a fire under my butt. i have finished my resume, and sent it into Rosetta Stone. I'm only hoping, but i have little to no expectations. It would definitely be nice to be making twice what i am now and working the same amount...i know that we could definitely use the money.
so..i'm in the process of planning a Valentines Banquet....Dinner and a movie. it's a lot, but it's for our church. trying to plan food and everything....it's overwhelming. it's my first time heading something like this up...and i'm not feeling very confident. i'm feeling very, scared i think would be a good word.
i'm also in the midst of reading The Shack. it's a good book, but i'm having a hard time getting through it.
With me working more, and Jacob not working at all (still waiting for sheetz to call....), he has REALLY stepped up and started taking on more around the house...for which i am grateful! he cleans the dishes and cooks dinner, and if i ask him to, he'll fold laundry and put it away! he's soo wonderful!!
as a result, i get home, eat dinner, and i'm so wiped out i fall asleep after working on my resume or job hunting or whatever i was working on. i'm usually out by 10 or 10:30. Man! i feel OLD!
anyway...i'll try to blog some more later!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
christmas and new years as a new wife
i know that christmas has been over for a while, but our first christmas was CRAZY!
it all started on the 21st of Dec. we went to my family for christmas dinner and opening presents. at first, it was a little tense, b/c apparently my mom and sister both had bad mornings. i got snapped at as soon as i walked through the door, which put me in a mood of "fine. be that way. but don't talk to me about it."
but they got over it and i spent most of my time watching football with the guys anyway.
then, i worked monday and tuesday and a little christmas eve morning. after work christmas eve, i went home and got things together for my extended family's dinner in churchville. my aunt Gay just bought a new house, and this thing was way ginormous!
This is her stairwell:
anyway....it was huge. my pictures don't do the house justice.
anyway, after dinner we went home and slept! well...more like crashed!
we woke up christmas morning:
and look what santa brought me for christmas!!!
actually, jacob bought me a new camera for christmas and this was me trying it out a couple of times.
we had TONS of fun christmas day. after we exchanged our own gifts, we went to my mother in laws for christmas. it was really interesting to see how another family does it and for the first time to be involved with it. this was the first time i haven't seen my family on christmas. it was a little difficult, but i managed.
after my mother in laws, we went to my father in laws. chaos. there was chaos at my mother in laws too, but it was all very very different.
then afterwards we went to my husbands uncles house. i was so exhausted, that i was ready to crash. i'm used to crashing in the afternoon on christmas day. i didn't get to bed until MIDNIGHT! i was EXHAUSTED!
i think i'm still trying to catch up on sleep. :o)
new years we had a few people over. it was so much fun to be around people who love us and who we love as well. we were able to see some fireworks from down the street (for free!), and we opened champaigned and sparkling cider. it was a joy!
so...that's about it! Jacob has a job interview tomorrow at Rosetta Stone, so we're praying for favor!
Blessings to each of you in the new year!
it all started on the 21st of Dec. we went to my family for christmas dinner and opening presents. at first, it was a little tense, b/c apparently my mom and sister both had bad mornings. i got snapped at as soon as i walked through the door, which put me in a mood of "fine. be that way. but don't talk to me about it."
but they got over it and i spent most of my time watching football with the guys anyway.
then, i worked monday and tuesday and a little christmas eve morning. after work christmas eve, i went home and got things together for my extended family's dinner in churchville. my aunt Gay just bought a new house, and this thing was way ginormous!
This is her stairwell:
anyway....it was huge. my pictures don't do the house justice.
anyway, after dinner we went home and slept! well...more like crashed!
we woke up christmas morning:
and look what santa brought me for christmas!!!
actually, jacob bought me a new camera for christmas and this was me trying it out a couple of times.
we had TONS of fun christmas day. after we exchanged our own gifts, we went to my mother in laws for christmas. it was really interesting to see how another family does it and for the first time to be involved with it. this was the first time i haven't seen my family on christmas. it was a little difficult, but i managed.
after my mother in laws, we went to my father in laws. chaos. there was chaos at my mother in laws too, but it was all very very different.
then afterwards we went to my husbands uncles house. i was so exhausted, that i was ready to crash. i'm used to crashing in the afternoon on christmas day. i didn't get to bed until MIDNIGHT! i was EXHAUSTED!
i think i'm still trying to catch up on sleep. :o)
new years we had a few people over. it was so much fun to be around people who love us and who we love as well. we were able to see some fireworks from down the street (for free!), and we opened champaigned and sparkling cider. it was a joy!
so...that's about it! Jacob has a job interview tomorrow at Rosetta Stone, so we're praying for favor!
Blessings to each of you in the new year!
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