oh the joys!

Christmas has come and gone...

now on to the new year...

i don't think the new year will be as fun and exciting as last year. i work the entire week, opening both new years eve and new years day. not too fun.

the most exciting part of the next few weeks: i'm taking vacation time off of work!

My hopes for this time:

a) to get registered at target and walmart for baby stuff

b) to get the office cleaned out to make room for baby and all the baby stuff

c) to relax and de-stress after the holidays.

I have been told from some family members that I am WAY too big, and that i should ask my doctor to check for twins.

at my appointment this morning, i asked my doctor. he said, "People should just keep their mouths shut. You're perfectly normal size and measurement for the ONE baby that is in there!"

i know i shouldn't let it get to me...but when i already feel fat and gross and disgusting...the LAST thing i want to hear from people who supposedly love me is that i'm huge.

i really love being pregnant, but there is another situation that is ruining it for me:

i've had the same family members corner me in the kitchen on CHRISTMAS day...

to interrogate me about baby names.

We haven't come to any conclusions...we're trying to find SOME that we like and the meanings are something that will edify our son to be a man of God and someone that will help build the Kingdom of God.

yet...these family members cornered me and began asking me about what names we've chosen. when i explained that we haven't had any yet, they were saying, "what are they?"

"i just said, we haven't picked any out! we just started talking about it this week and seriously looking at BOY names this week!"

"ok...well...please just run them by us...we want to help you with...ya know...names and nicknames.."

"why?"

"we just don't want you to pick anything out that's too gay!"

"Gay?! like what?"

"like evan, or Owen, or..."

"HOLD up. Owen is a family name on my grandmothers side...that's not 'too gay!'"

now...i realize that yes...again, i may be taking this too personally...

but if these SAME people don't TRUST me or my husband to name our child something appropriate, then are they going to trust us to raise our child?

Doubt it.

and i'm not one to go to family functions only to be ridiculed for how i raise my children!

if this keeps up, i can't imagine myself even wanting to be with this family during get togethers!

i'm not one to push away advice, but if it's given with prejudice, i dismiss it almost immediately. and the only reason i say "almost" is that i have to remind myself every time that they mean well and that Godly advice can come in all forms...

i say "with prejudice" because these family members are assuming this is the first time i've ever cared for a child!

now...i admit, a boy is intimidating. but when my niece was born, i was there nearly every day, helping change her diaper...feed a bottle (when my sister was unable to breastfeed)...burp the baby...rock her to sleep. there was even a little joke that my mom made that if my sister had problems, give her to me, and i'll get her to sleep.

and i understand boys are different. i've changed my nephews diapers...helped him as much as i could, but with work and school wasn't able to be there QUITE as much. i regret that, b/c as it seems, i'm not as close with my nephew as i would like to be, but, it happens. i can only change the future.

plus...i believe God created me to be a mother. i never would have thought this before i was married. yet, i started to see in myself a nurturing, motherly side of myself that i never saw in myself before i got married. and since getting pregnant, it has increased 10 fold. i can not imagine myself without children now, and am MOVED beyond hormones for children other than my own!

for these family members to assume something about me is beyond hurtful. i know i'm currently more sensitive because of the hormones, but, it is hurtful that they don't trust me to name my own child let alone raise him!

and it is beyond hurtful that they would feel the need to tell me they don't trust me. i can handle gossip behind my back...i've been taking it since i could remember. whatever.

but...i am an adult...right? and jacob....he too, is an adult....right?

i mean...we got married. we own our own cars. we have our own place. we pay our bills; we have money in our account; we have some in savings...

and we don't ask a whole lot from our parents...

we don't ask them for money...or to take care of situations for us....

in fact, we do it for them!

we give our parents money!

we take care of our parents situations FOR THEM!

so in that way, aren't we more mature than they are?

so, let me get this straight.

i need to get approval from people who can barely make their own payments on their own purchases, who can barely stay faithful to their own families, because i'm incapable of making the decisions for myself?

it's hard not to be upset by this...but because i've had good blood pressure up to this point, i'm trying really hard to remain calm, and composed. but it's frustrating. everytime i go to their house, am i going to be bombarded until the baby comes?

our plan was to not tell anyone what names we picked out were. right now, our plan is to come up with the most ridiculous names we could think of, and tell them that's what we have decided on, just to see what kind of response we get.

sad that's how we have to do it, huh?