*you know you're pregnant when you can walk outside in 30 degree weather in a t-shirt and jeans and be comfortable...
*i've never been to a chiropractor before. i am so glad i have been now...
*my sister has the swine flu! please pray for her and that her kids do not get it!
*i'm really glad we didn't go over to their house yesterday...that could've been really bad...
*i really want to eat! but why can't i stand to look at food???
Monday, October 19, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
thinking...
i find that when i think, i get into trouble. i think about all the bad stuff. i think about how to deal with it. i then become disgruntled with my life and situations.
not that thinking is bad, mind you. it's good! but i don't just think...i DWELL.
and for some reason, my brain is practically made to dwell on the bad stuff....
like, for example:
my job. i'm 3 months pregnant, and i got to work every day and put on an apron. i was REALLY hoping to be at a different job by the time i got pregnant, but, that didn't happen. i really don't want to be 4 months pregnant and working in the cafe, but it's looking like i'm not goign to have much of a choice.
my home. i really would love to be able to paint my baby's nursery, but our landlord doesn't want us to hang pictures, let alone, PAINT.
my husband. i LOVE him. i really do! i have the utmost respect for him. he provides for me and our child, and he loves us unconditionally. yet, the one thing i think about is not that he loves us, or that he's faithful to me and to God, or not even all the hard work he does around the house. what i think about: why can't he do the dishes? it's the ONE thing i have asked him to help me out with. and with my back pain, the LAST thing i want to do is work 8.5 hours, all day on my feet, come home, make dinner, and then have to wash and dry all the dishes...
i don't want our child brought into a home where i am constantly down, or always putting my husband down, or having nothing but negative thoughts.
Lord, transform my mind to be more like you. Filter my thoughts so that they glorify You and Your creation. Transform my thinking!
earlier i mentioned back pain. i don't know why, or if it's even pregnancy related, but i have had the WORST back pain in my lower right side. i can't explain it...but i can't move when it's hurting....i tried calling the doctors office last friday, but they were closed a half hour early. oh well....this will be the last time i use their services! :o)
not that thinking is bad, mind you. it's good! but i don't just think...i DWELL.
and for some reason, my brain is practically made to dwell on the bad stuff....
like, for example:
my job. i'm 3 months pregnant, and i got to work every day and put on an apron. i was REALLY hoping to be at a different job by the time i got pregnant, but, that didn't happen. i really don't want to be 4 months pregnant and working in the cafe, but it's looking like i'm not goign to have much of a choice.
my home. i really would love to be able to paint my baby's nursery, but our landlord doesn't want us to hang pictures, let alone, PAINT.
my husband. i LOVE him. i really do! i have the utmost respect for him. he provides for me and our child, and he loves us unconditionally. yet, the one thing i think about is not that he loves us, or that he's faithful to me and to God, or not even all the hard work he does around the house. what i think about: why can't he do the dishes? it's the ONE thing i have asked him to help me out with. and with my back pain, the LAST thing i want to do is work 8.5 hours, all day on my feet, come home, make dinner, and then have to wash and dry all the dishes...
i don't want our child brought into a home where i am constantly down, or always putting my husband down, or having nothing but negative thoughts.
Lord, transform my mind to be more like you. Filter my thoughts so that they glorify You and Your creation. Transform my thinking!
earlier i mentioned back pain. i don't know why, or if it's even pregnancy related, but i have had the WORST back pain in my lower right side. i can't explain it...but i can't move when it's hurting....i tried calling the doctors office last friday, but they were closed a half hour early. oh well....this will be the last time i use their services! :o)
Friday, October 2, 2009
latest
This weekend marks the beginning of my 12th week of pregnancy. soo excited! i've had less and less morning sickness (PRAISE YOU JESUS!), and i've had lots and lots more energy...which isn't really saying a lot, b/c i had ZERO before, but i am feeling more energized.
the only problem i am facing now:
I found out my 4th week that i have a cycst on my right ovaries. this hasn't been a problem until this week, when i suspect it's starting to "dissolve" itself....which is the most painful thing ever.
i have never had a cycst before, but from those who have, i've learned that as they "pop" you see a little trail of bleeding. however, i've not seen that. so i'm not sure if it's dissolving or not (i love the term "dissolving"....that's how the doctor referred to it going away...).
so i'm in lots of pain. weird thing is...it's in my back.
and i love the sympathy i get from work. i can't bend down. i can't pick up things. i can't move very well.
"oh you're such a wimp."
"how's this for wimp? Stick a fork three inches into your soft back tissue, twist it 10 times. leave it there. go about your daily routine....oh, and imagine having a stomach flu...but you can't throw up, because you work around food. try it. then see how ya feel. oh and you can't take any medication b/c you're allergic to it all..."
that's what i'm dealing with. i love being told to "suck it up and deal...wimp" when i have tears in my eyes from the pain.
the only problem i am facing now:
I found out my 4th week that i have a cycst on my right ovaries. this hasn't been a problem until this week, when i suspect it's starting to "dissolve" itself....which is the most painful thing ever.
i have never had a cycst before, but from those who have, i've learned that as they "pop" you see a little trail of bleeding. however, i've not seen that. so i'm not sure if it's dissolving or not (i love the term "dissolving"....that's how the doctor referred to it going away...).
so i'm in lots of pain. weird thing is...it's in my back.
and i love the sympathy i get from work. i can't bend down. i can't pick up things. i can't move very well.
"oh you're such a wimp."
"how's this for wimp? Stick a fork three inches into your soft back tissue, twist it 10 times. leave it there. go about your daily routine....oh, and imagine having a stomach flu...but you can't throw up, because you work around food. try it. then see how ya feel. oh and you can't take any medication b/c you're allergic to it all..."
that's what i'm dealing with. i love being told to "suck it up and deal...wimp" when i have tears in my eyes from the pain.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
painting pictures of Egypt
The song by Sara Groves came onto my radio leaving my best friends house after a bitter-sweet meeting with my cell leader.
The song "Painting Pictures of Egypt" describes EXACTLY how i feel right about now.
Lyrics:
"I don'ting to want to leave here
I don't want to stay,
It feels like pinch me either way.
The places I long for the most are the places where I've been
They are calling after me like a long lost friend.
It's not about losing faith,
It's not about trust,
It's all about comfortable when you move so much.
The place I was wasn't perfect but I had found a way to live.
It wasn't milk or honey but then neither is this.
I've been painting pictures of Egypt leaving out what it lacked.
The future feels so hard and I want to go back.
But the places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned
and those roads were closed off to me
while my back was turned.
The past is so tangible, I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy to discard.
I was longing for some freedom
But now I hesitate to go,
I am caught between the promise and the things I know.
I've been painting pictures of Egypt leaving out what it lacked.
The future feels so hard and I want to go back.
But the places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned
And those roads were closed off to me while my back was turned.
If it comes too quick
I may not recognize it.
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand.
If it comes too quick,
I may not appreciate it.
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand."
I never really heard this song...i mean...i've owned the CD for YEARS! and i thought the song was pretty...
but i've never really connected to the song. it's one of those songs that i listen to 10 years later and finally "CLICK".
I loved Cornerstone. it had/has its faults. but i loved it. even today, i was thinking about going back. i debated what would happen with Jacob and I if we went to separate churches.
i have serious doubts about bringing a baby into this current church.
when we announced our pregnancy, people who haven't spoken to me in two months were coming up and congratulating me. People who haven't spoken to me in six months were ignoring me and walking up to Jacob congratulating him.
I don't want to have a baby just to be considered apart of this church. And if those "certain" people think they can get near my baby just because they cherish JACOB as a member of that body, but completely ignore me....they are sadly mistaken.
I KNOW Jacob is special. I wouldn't have given him a second thought if I didn't think he was special, let alone marry the man. But, at a church, where one person is special....ALL are supposed to be special. I'm not special just because i'm connected to Jacob. that's ridiculous. I'm special because i'm a member of the family of God.
I know I've looked back too much at my old church, "painting pictures." I know that's wrong. BUT...when the future looks as scary as the present, it's near impossible to go forward, without wanting to run away.
The past is sooooo tangible. I can almost taste it. It was good. I grew so much. MUCH more than in the last two years even.
Yet, even the roads to my past are closed off to me.....while my back was turned. Cornerstone is a much different place now. Pastor Tim has left. My cell leader is stepping down. The familiar faces have disappeared. The few that remain are different than when I was there. maybe that's not a bad thing, but it's hard to go back to something that's completely different than you remember.
Lord, take my pictures. take me. take this church. transform it. mold it to be something that glorifies you. Let us radiate You. You know we have problems growing. let the problem not be that we don't shine You everyday. transform us to be more and more like you. give me wisdom. be with me. every sunday. I NEED You. More than water, more than life itself...i NEED You.
The song "Painting Pictures of Egypt" describes EXACTLY how i feel right about now.
Lyrics:
"I don'ting to want to leave here
I don't want to stay,
It feels like pinch me either way.
The places I long for the most are the places where I've been
They are calling after me like a long lost friend.
It's not about losing faith,
It's not about trust,
It's all about comfortable when you move so much.
The place I was wasn't perfect but I had found a way to live.
It wasn't milk or honey but then neither is this.
I've been painting pictures of Egypt leaving out what it lacked.
The future feels so hard and I want to go back.
But the places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned
and those roads were closed off to me
while my back was turned.
The past is so tangible, I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy to discard.
I was longing for some freedom
But now I hesitate to go,
I am caught between the promise and the things I know.
I've been painting pictures of Egypt leaving out what it lacked.
The future feels so hard and I want to go back.
But the places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned
And those roads were closed off to me while my back was turned.
If it comes too quick
I may not recognize it.
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand.
If it comes too quick,
I may not appreciate it.
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand."
I never really heard this song...i mean...i've owned the CD for YEARS! and i thought the song was pretty...
but i've never really connected to the song. it's one of those songs that i listen to 10 years later and finally "CLICK".
I loved Cornerstone. it had/has its faults. but i loved it. even today, i was thinking about going back. i debated what would happen with Jacob and I if we went to separate churches.
i have serious doubts about bringing a baby into this current church.
when we announced our pregnancy, people who haven't spoken to me in two months were coming up and congratulating me. People who haven't spoken to me in six months were ignoring me and walking up to Jacob congratulating him.
I don't want to have a baby just to be considered apart of this church. And if those "certain" people think they can get near my baby just because they cherish JACOB as a member of that body, but completely ignore me....they are sadly mistaken.
I KNOW Jacob is special. I wouldn't have given him a second thought if I didn't think he was special, let alone marry the man. But, at a church, where one person is special....ALL are supposed to be special. I'm not special just because i'm connected to Jacob. that's ridiculous. I'm special because i'm a member of the family of God.
I know I've looked back too much at my old church, "painting pictures." I know that's wrong. BUT...when the future looks as scary as the present, it's near impossible to go forward, without wanting to run away.
The past is sooooo tangible. I can almost taste it. It was good. I grew so much. MUCH more than in the last two years even.
Yet, even the roads to my past are closed off to me.....while my back was turned. Cornerstone is a much different place now. Pastor Tim has left. My cell leader is stepping down. The familiar faces have disappeared. The few that remain are different than when I was there. maybe that's not a bad thing, but it's hard to go back to something that's completely different than you remember.
Lord, take my pictures. take me. take this church. transform it. mold it to be something that glorifies you. Let us radiate You. You know we have problems growing. let the problem not be that we don't shine You everyday. transform us to be more and more like you. give me wisdom. be with me. every sunday. I NEED You. More than water, more than life itself...i NEED You.
Annnnnndddddddddd, We're off!
just got an email from jacob about all our weekends in september...
between that email and birthday weekends, i BETTER get the apartment cleaned because this is probably going to be my last opportunity to clean.....
between that email and birthday weekends, i BETTER get the apartment cleaned because this is probably going to be my last opportunity to clean.....
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
annoying parts of being pregnant...
*Constantly being asked, "any weird cravings, yet?" if i have, what's it to you, and if i haven't, why are you so surprised?
*"What names are you looking at?" If we wanted you to know, we would've told you.
*people dismissing my morning sickness. if i can't stand upright...i may not be able to just "get over it."
*being "fat" not quite "pregnant" yet...
*"What names are you looking at?" If we wanted you to know, we would've told you.
*people dismissing my morning sickness. if i can't stand upright...i may not be able to just "get over it."
*being "fat" not quite "pregnant" yet...
Monday, August 24, 2009
Every day is a revolution
ttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JAH_V3gb5c
Brad Paisley has a new song out. I couldn't remember what it was called, so I had to do some digging.
It's called "Welcome to the Future."
It's full of irony (Brad Paisley style), and it's full of wisdom (Brad Paisley style).
There's a line in this song that says, "Everyday is a revolution."
Embrace it. Everyday is a revolution.
Are we ready?
Today is a revolution...if you let it..
Brad Paisley has a new song out. I couldn't remember what it was called, so I had to do some digging.
It's called "Welcome to the Future."
It's full of irony (Brad Paisley style), and it's full of wisdom (Brad Paisley style).
There's a line in this song that says, "Everyday is a revolution."
Embrace it. Everyday is a revolution.
Are we ready?
Today is a revolution...if you let it..
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