the first year

June 1st.

hard to believe, that in 27 days, we will have been married for 1 year.

1 year ago, at this time, i don't know if i can say exactly what i was doing. probably trying to avoid wedding planning. i can't understand why people do it for a living. my experience was less than desirable. the only thing i can say is this: Praise Jesus it's only once!

if i were to go back and go through it again (PLEASE, LORD! NO!), i would have done a LOT of things differently.

obviously, the 1 bridesmaid who didn't partake in anything, would be removed.

the two that talked about me behind my back would be different people.

and the one who did everything for me, would be held in higher honor.

and the one thing that i wished SOMEONE would've told me:

"The first year of marriage is the loneliest."

would i have listened?

Probably not. but i would've been fore-warned.

would i have cared?

Not too much. my thinking was: my friends will always be there for me!

yes, a few have stuck around. some have disappeared, and others are coming out of the woodworks, while others are running into the woodworks!

but i was naive. to say the least.

when i got married, i was very far from God. went to church for the main reason i knew if i didn't i would probably disappoint Jacob, and because i knew if i didn't, there would be no turning around. i still feared God. i just didn't care what He had to say about anything.

6 months later, i tried to turn my life around on my own. but that didn't work. i could say positive things. i could do good things, but that wouldn't mean anything if Christ wasn't behind it...and He wasn't.

4 months ago, Jesus finally grabbed ahold of me again. am i where i want to be?

NO.

am i happy where i am?

a little more-so.

am i still lonely?

yep.

do i have friends that love me?

yep.

does that really matter?

nope.


"only for the lonely, o Lord, i find that you are drawing me closer to this vine."