newest update thus far

The newest update, as I've realize I have been really bad at updating:

My mom is back home. She isn't CURED, YET.

They found a small cancerous tumor on her glands that were removed, so as soon as she is well enough from the surgery, she will start chemo.

I broke my foot. Discounting ugly, it's fine.

My sister had her baby girl, Lucy Jane. PRECIOUS. Almost makes me ready for another baby.....

Ahhhh....who am I kidding?? I'm ready....but not at the same time.

I go back to work tomorrow; hopefully I won't want to chop my foot off by lunch......

:o)

updates for all

Since I've been posting most of my medical updates about my mom on facebook, I've not seen the need to post much on here.

So, for those who aren't on FB, I will post an update here.

Forgive me any mess-ups. I had a rather large glass of white wine with dinner, and I believe it has affected me WAY more than I had intended.

My Mom had her PET scan and bone scan. Both came back CLEAN. Meaning that as far as *they* know, the cancer has not yet spread. But they want to act fast.

Mom had a second opinion with UVA; one she rather liked. In fact, she is moving forward with the dr at UVA rather than RMH. UVA is offering her the option of an internal bladder in place of an external, which is an option she would rather deal with.

Basically:

All they have to do is remove her bladder. Then, as long as surgery goes as planned, and they do not find anymore cancer anywhere else, she will be CURED.

CURED.

As in, no more cancer.

as in, no chemo, no radiation, she will have all her hair and not be sick, and she won't have to worry about cancer spreading to other parts of her body.

CURED.

When they go in for the surgery (right now scheduled for Sept. 9), she will have her bladder and a few other non essential organs removed. So, pray that the cancer has not spread, and that the surgery goes well.

i kinda don't even want to bother with an update for my job b/c it seems all superfluous after hearing that my mom is going to be (speaking it out in faith) cured of cancer.

but, jobs going well. it's tough, and it'll take me several weeks/months to get the hang of it. but prayers for me during rush would be greatly appreciated. :o)

CURED!!!

"cancer is just a word, not a sentence"

Last week, my mother notice some blood in her urine and decided to go to the doctor. He sent her to another specialist, who took some tests and did some scans and came back with the results that she had 2 tumors in her bladder. They performed a biopsy on Monday, and results came yesterday.

Cancer. Stage 4.

We had a feeling it was cancer. But we were hoping for stage 1....or 2. Not 4.

Apparently it is too far into her muscle, and they must now test to make sure it has not spread anywhere.

My mother is going to spend a week at the beach with my sister and her family, so when she gets back, she will have scans and more blood tests and surgery and chemo awaiting her.

Our prayer right now is that it has not spread anywhere else. If you are a praying person, please join us in prayer right now. We most certainly could use some good news.

It is easy for people who choose to do harmful things to themselves to say, "I'm not hurting anyone else; I'm only hurting myself. Let me choose for myself. It is my body; not yours."

Well, yes. It IS your body. But for those around you who love you, when you get news like this, it breaks us. My heart is BROKEN.

All it took was cigarette smoke and a weakened immune system. Flu. If she didn't have the flu or a cold last fall, we wouldn't be here.

Before you light up or pop the top or whatever, think. Is this something that can harm me to the point of death? Is this something that can take me away from those who love me? Is this something that can make me suffer in my last days?

Then think: is it worth it to those I love for me to quit?

Happy Memorial Day

I refuse to be the kind of wife that nags.

And I refuse to be the kind of wife that complains.

But, by golly, if I feel a certain way, I don't think what I say should be twisted to make me feel badly for feeling that way.

I'm not going to write a blog bitching about stuff.

I just want somewhere that I can go to to say how I feel without it being twisted.

And I want to talk to someone who will listen....and HEAR.

I want to be REAL and not feel badly for being that way.

If that is too much to ask for, then I really don't know why I bother....

FINALLY!!!!!!

After 3 days of not being able to log onto my blog, I finally have success! GEEZ Blogger. get it together!

I changed my password. More than twice. I can't remember how many times, actually.

But even with a new password, my screen would not leave the password screen.

::blows raspberry at google::

whoops. Day 14: 30 Day Photo Challenge.

I knew this was going to happen.

My last post was actually the Day 15 topic. Day 14 is a picture of someone you couldn't imagine living your life without.

I have 2 someones.




silliness ensues with these two. <3!

Day 14: 30 Day Photo Challenge

Day 14: Something you want to do before you die.



Pinterest

A silly goal of mine is writing a book. Doubt I could ever be published, but it's definitely a goal. I'm always scheming, planning, but never following through. One day......one day.

Day 13: 30 Day Photo Challenge

Day 13: A picture of your favorite band/artist.

I really don't have a favorite. I like many songs and many different artists.

But since I need to post a picture...I'll post this one:



Norman Rockwell

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.infocera.com/pic/Norman-Rockwell-Saturday-Evening-Post-Photo-on-Google.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.infocera.com/Norman_Rockwell_painting_from_Post_magazine_inspires_Google_doodle_7795.htm&usg=__wDVCO7kl6uvpD3hqNOb3Fu2Qhu4=&h=200&w=164&sz=44&hl=en&start=197&zoom=0&tbnid=p_L7Z_zBklAzBM:&tbnh=104&tbnw=85&ei=0DbHTZn4B4eDgAfk4fXKBA&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dnorman%2Brockwell%2Bpaintings%26hl%3Den%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26hs%3DI0Z%26sa%3DX%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-US:official%26biw%3D1600%26bih%3D783%26tbm%3Disch0%2C3420&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=150&vpy=485&dur=868&hovh=104&hovw=85&tx=76&ty=52&page=6&ndsp=38&ved=1t:429,r:29,s:197&biw=1600&bih=783

Day 12: 30 Day Photo Challenge

Day 12: A picture of something you love:

Day 11: 30 Day Photo Challenge

Day 11: A picture of something you hate:

I'm going to be a bit creative, because I DO NOT want to find an image of something I hate.

I LOVE children. I love how innocent children are, and they don't even know it!

What I HATE is when their innocence is robbed from them.

At first, I tried to find something on ignorance. But that didn't suffice.

And I don't want to post a picture of a child being robbed of his/her innocence. So...I made a compromise. The picture is something I LOVE, the explanation is what I hate.




http://www.cbcharlingen.org/188852

Day 10: 30 Day Photo Challenge

Day 10: A picture of the person you do the most *messed* up things with...

truth be told...

I don't do that many "messed up things."

I spend my time changing diapers, washing laundry, cleaning dishes, and occasionally I will go to work.

Maybe once every few months I go out with the girls to dinner, got a pedicure one time, and did some gab talk.

So...

for my messed up things:


I figure my version of "messed up things" is playing with a colander in the living room. Really? He is just too cute to not post a picture of. :o)

taking a break

Taking a break from the photo challenge (i will catch up...yes) to bring you a blog from real life.

My 23 year old brother is going into surgery tomorrow. If you could lift up prayers on his behalf, I would greatly appreciate it.

It's not so much the surgery he needs prayer for; it's the recovery.

I don't mind sharing; others might mind reading.

And to them I say, "Oh well."

I live my life according to rules that no one else may have to live by. I have cancelled trips to be home with my family, and said no to things that take me away from where I'm needed. I COULD have more in my life, if I really wanted those things. I have no desire to get a degree to work a job that I'm going to hate. "Just get a degree. It doesn't matter what you get."

Yeah. It kinda does.

Anyway...

Living with my parents is a mentally deranged, and a very violent person. This person refuses help, has spent a night in jail, and constantly threatens and carries out those threats. Where this person needs to be: not jail. He needs a mental institution...the kind where they are strapped down and given medication or left alone in a padded room....yeah...THAT kind.

This person has hurt me, has hurt my little brother, and won't even think twice about hurting him again. In fact, in this person's mind, THEY are the victim.

This frightens me beyond life. What is this person going to do with my lil bro getting all the attention??? Is this person really going to do it this time? How is he going to manipulate people?

Seriously. WHY can't the police do SOMETHING about this kind of a situation????? He is NOT well, but in the eyes of the state, he IS well. He can't be arrested until they see some bruises or blood, but by that time, IT'S TOO LATE.

God, I know You're here....somewhere. Where do You hide while this is going on? I'd REALLY love to see You in this mess. Please, show Yourself.

Day 9: 30 Day Photo Challenge

I find myself already slipping down the slippery slope of neglecting my challenge to myself.

BUT! In my defense: I have been ILL. Almost 4 weeks ago (on a Tuesday), I went to the dr with what I thought was maybe an infected bug bite. It started out as a pimple and then my face BALLOONED up...embarrassingly. He said it may be an infection of some sort, though probably not a bug bite; took a swab and sent it off to the lab. In the meantime, he said I have a "strep-like infection" on my throat; gave me antibiotics, and sent me on my way.

10 days of antibiotics later, the infected part of my face (have I mentioned this is on my FOREHEAD?!?!) had not gone away, and I called the Doctor again. 13 days after my first appointment, I saw a different dr; one that I had not seen before. He took 1 look at my face and said, "it's a cyst. It needs to be surgically removed." He then gave me the name of an ENT who, he said, would be great at not leaving a scar. I made the appointment for May 10.

This was this past Monday. On Wednesday, my face again ballooned up, and I called the doctors office again. By this point, I'm really frustrated, because, I'm not sure if you noticed, but I never mentioned what that swab came back to say. That's because I did not hear until Wednesday. Yesterday.

Anyway, yesterday, I spoke with a nurse on staff, who then told me the swab came back for a staph infection, but the original antibiotic should've taken care of it. When I told her that nothing had changed, I heard a silence on the other end that made me think she was rolling her eyes at the phone or at least making faces.

Then she asked me a couple of questions about the infected area, and what it looks like, and put me on hold for a few minutes while she talked with the original doctor who took the swab.

She came back and said that they were going to try a stronger antibiotic, and see if that works. I asked about the cyst. Now here's the fun part:

There MAY be a cyst underneath this ooey gooey infected mess, but we can't know for sure until the infection is gone. I have taken my second dose of antibiotic, which has taken some of the ballooning feeling, and made me more EXHAUSTED, but, I don't yet see too much of a difference in my face.

I'm not a very beautiful person. My face should never and will never grace the covers of any magazine (unless that magazine is about an infected mass on a persons face), but I hope to God that I at least look somewhat normal. I almost don't care about a scar. Maybe I should. I don't know. I just want to be well!

And on that note:

My Day 9 challenge: A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most:




Jesus. While I don't know what he really looks like, I know what I envision him to look like. He doesn't look like any of the pictures that you pull up when you Google Jesus Christ images.

He also has been there for me through thick or thin. Even when I don't think he is, there He is.

Thank You for always being there for me. I love you Lord!

Day 8: 30 Day Photo Challenge

Day 8: A picture that makes you laugh.

There are a couple. My son always makes me laugh with his funny grins or laughs, or whatever mischief he is getting into.


I just think this is funny. Not so much "funny-haha" but "funny-cute." I give a chuckle.

Day 7: 30 Day Photo Challenge

Day 7: A picture of your most treasured item.

There really isn't an item I treasure that I could live without. Except my wedding rings. I love the fact I'm married to a great man. And I will be more than happy to show them off!

Day 6: 30 Day Photo Challenge

Day 6: A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with.

I really can't think of anyone.

oh, wait. Except maybe this one:

Day 5: 30 Day Photo Challenge

Day 5: A picture of your favorite memory.




This will do.

Day 4: 30 Day challenge

Okay...so here's my Day 4 Post...

Yes...a few days late.



Feeding Matthew. We were actually at my husbands Great-Grandmothers 91st birthday party.

That's kind of how my nights are these days. :o)

Day 4: 30 Day challenge

Day 4: A picture of your night...

i have to go take a picture. This one will probably not get posted until tonight or tomorrow. Sorry, folks.

Day 3: 30 Day Photo Challenge

Day 3: A picture of the cast of your favorite show:






This is the cast from Grey's Anatomy. This has become my favorite show over the last 6 months or so. When the show started, I actually watched some, and hated it. I thought it was a cheesy emo show, and I wouldn't watch it. But, when my sister-in-law was watching Matty for me when I started back at work, I'd come home and she would have it on. I caught parts of it. It looked interesting. I watched some older episodes, and quickly fell in love. The characters were so real. It made me think that I could become a surgeon. And then the LOVE story between Meredith and Derrick! ::SIGH:: I got to re-live my love story through them!

It's a GREAT show! You should watch it. If you don't love it, something may or may not be wrong with you.

Day 2: 30 Day Photo Challenge

Day 2: A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.

This is my best friend, Kristin, and her sister, Rachell. This was WAY before we were all married (although I believe this was the weekend we were trying on your wedding dress, Kristin), and definitely way before our babies. This was fall break of 2006 in a Burlington Coat Factory in Virginia Beach.

Kristin and I are the bestest of the best of friends. It is her friendship that compares to no other. Yes, I have other friends, with many of whom I'm very close, as does she. But, Kristin and I; there's never been a time where we were not close. With many of my friends, we lose track of each other for a time. With Kristin, we may not talk for weeks, but we are still close.

Thank you, dear, DEAR friend. When many of my other "friends" were trash-talking me, or purposely leaving me out of things, you were the one person who was there for me, never judging, always listening, always praying and encouraging me.

I only hope I can do the same for you! :-)

First Birthday Party

Okay...I know you guys are probably REALLY annoyed with me (thinking: GEEZ...3 posts in ONE WHOLE DAY! She needs a life!), but I totally just realized I have not posted pictures from Matthew's first birthday party!!! EEEK! In my family, that's like a mortal sin or something not to share pictures! Just kidding, mi madre!

Anyway, here's a few. Enjoy.

This one was actually a couple of days before. But it is just TOO CUTE to pass up!

He enjoyed his cupcake!

His new backpack from Aunt Jenny and family!

He was unsure about the whole cupcake thing at first, but he got the hang of it! (I know these are out of order)

A family shot.

MICKEY MOUSE!

The next day! He LOVES all of his new toys!!

Day 1: 30 Day Challenge.

Post a picture of yourself with 10 facts.



Since the directions do not specify whether it is 10 facts previously unknown or not, I will simply share the first 10 random facts that pop into my head.

1. My greatest achievement in my life has been my son. He makes me laugh every day, even when my day contains nothing to laugh about.

2. My wedding day was the best day of my life. My life-partner, my best friend, the love of my life.

3. There are not many pictures of just me. Especially recent pictures. Hence #4.

4. I've joined a gym. Er...I'm joining a gym. I'm more shopping for a gym. I've had 1 workout, and am planning on going again tonight.

5. I LOVE bread. And brownies. And pasta. And any chocolate of almost any kind. Which is why diets will not work for me.

6. If I got the chance to stay home with my son, I'd take it in a heartbeat. The ONLY condition I would have is to have a play group once every couple of days so he can play with other kids. And so mommies can have mommy time.

7. I am very shy. (Okay, dear friends, you can stop laughing right now.) I'm more SECRETLY shy. I've not met many of you, but when I do, I will be shy. I get less shy with wine. So when we meet, let there be wine. :o)

8. Secretly, when I started college, I really had no desire to have a career. Yes, I like to work and get out there, but I think I secretly wanted to be a SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mom).

9. I love worship music. I love slow ballads, and most upbeat songs. But, a GOOD worship song speaks directly to my heart. A bad worship song is very insulting to me.

10. I love Jesus. More and more each and every day. While the last few years have been rough for my relationship with Him, I do love Him. He is the reason I'm alive today. He is the reason I exist. Without Him, I am nothing, and no matter how I attempt to improve my life, only He can make it better.

30 day challenge

Lately, I'm all about challenging myself to be a better person. I'm joining a gym (My personal Lorelei is laughing very loudly), I'm looking at volunteering, and I'm thinking about starting a Mary Kay business. The last part is just to see how I do and where I go with it. I'm not in it to make $30,000 a year (although, I'm told, it's possible), but if it happens, great. If not, I get a lot of cool stuff. :o)

One thing I've been wanting to do is this 30 Day Photo Challenge from Facebook. I don't think I want to post it on Facebook, but instead, I'll post the pictures on here. If nothing else, it will get me to blog a little more.

Here is the initial post I will be coming back to to remind me of what I need to be looking for in a photo. I will post another post with day 1.


Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts

Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest

Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show

Day 04 - A picture of your night

Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory

Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day

Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item

Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh

Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most

Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most ****** up things with

Day 11 - A picture of something you hate

Day 12 - A picture of something you love

Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist

Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die

Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you

Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity

Day 19 - A picture and a letter

Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget

Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at

Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book

Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change

Day 25 - A picture of your day

Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you

Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member

Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of

Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile

Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss

Day 31 - A picture of yourself

new morning, new day

So...yesterday was rough. But the good part about yesterday:

IT'S IN THE PAST!!!!

Praise Jesus!

Today, is Monday. And while Monday's have the reputation for being evil, I'm choosing to see this day as new; fresh; clean; ready for the taking!

We (as in Matthew and I) have some errands to run. Target to meet with a friend of mine, across town for Mary Kay pick up, and then, darling Matty will be going to the sitters so I can go to the gym!

In recent news:

I have been sick! AGAIN!

Last Monday, I picked at my forehead at what I thought was a innocent pimple (TMI for some of you, but it's the truth). All of a sudden, by that evening, my entire forehead was in pain, and swelling. By Tuesday morning, my entire face was so swollen, I could barely open my right eye. I went to the doctor, and he said I also may have strep. He gave me an antibiotic that would "hopefully" kill the bacteria/infection on my face and in my throat. So far, it's working (Thank GOD!), but the antibiotic is KILLING my stomach. I swear, I think it'd just be easier if I rip my stomach out and flush it down the toilet.

It'd save the time, that's for sure!

And Matthew is attempting to get over a stomach bug, so in preparation, I lysoled EVERYTHING.

Thank God for Lysol!

why being a middle child made today an epic fail.

When Matthew woke us up at 5 this morning, I literally had no idea what was going to happen. I mean, he wakes up at 5 am every couple of days, and it's usually no big deal. But throw into the mix that we had church (which always throws off his nap-times), a family dinner/birthday party 20 minutes away, and an all around grumpy baby, and today was destined since the early morning start to be an epic fail.

For example:

Had I known that Matty's early morning nap would've only been half the usual time and that would've made him a very inconsolable child, I would've skipped church. But since I lost my DeLorean in a bet that I should've known I was going to lose, I had no idea that Matthew's normal "happy-go-lucky" attitude would've been lost after the first diaper change.

Likewise, had I known that church was going to go as long as it did, I again would've skipped, or left early. I don't want to bad-mouth, and I don't think I am. I am expressing a personal opinion. If you do not agree with my opinion, that's fine! But I don't mean any ill-will, and I most certainly do not want to put down people who are amazing men/women of God. However, I [personally] cannot stand when they have alter-time at the beginning of the service. It drags on and on. I understand why they do it (so people don't leave before they have their chance at the alter), but I would benefit more from HEARING the word and then GOING to the alter. Again....PERSONALLY.

I also have a HARD time worshiping with music that was written before my grandparents were born. I LOVE the fact that I grew up in small town America. But, I have the HARDEST time focusing with songs that I've never heard of, and with that "Gospel-twang". I feel like I'm at an outdoor fair (For you locals, like the Bergton Fair). It's not worship music to me. It's a concert. And yes, I do need to pour my heart out to the Audience of One. But, I spend MORE time getting myself into the attitude (because I have to force it on myself) then I do actually worshiping.

Again...PERSONALLY. I know that there are people of the older generations who feel the same way should someone introduce a "new" song. The only thing I can say is...Maybe I need to find somewhere where that's not so much a problem.

[A little side-note: I really have no problem with "old songs of worship". I just can't stand when they are all done the same way....ya know...like at an old gospel concert].

Anyway, after forcing myself into worship for 5 minutes, twiddling my thumbs for almost a half hour while they have "alter-time", and then watching the clock tick....11:45. 12. 12:15. "We need to be at my parents in 15 minutes, and they are 20 minutes away, and we haven't started praying yet..."

Now, take these feelings of frustration from what's supposed to be a refreshing time in fellowship (don't even get me started on "fellowship"), and take that with an argumentative 10 minutes in the car to the ATM (we owed my mom 10 bucks), then home with a hungry child (we were eating lunch at my parents), all before getting back in the car to drive 20 minutes...we got to my parents 45 minutes late.

Finally we arrive at my parents and everyone's starting to chow down without us (which was agreed upon in our first year of marriage; they are not to wait on us). Matthew refused food and drink of all kinds, and started with a tantrum. In front of everyone. I felt the burning sensation of judgement fall on me.

I'm the middle child. Not a "true" middle child, but as middle as they come. I was born number 3 of 4. My sister who is 8.5 years my senior, my brother is 6 years older, and my "baby" brother who is 3 years younger. My sister is married, with 2 kids and one more on the way (YAY!). My brother growing up had so many problems that he will never be able to claim to have "middle-child-syndrome" even if he wanted. He received all the attention and then some. Given, not all of it was positive, but still....attention is attention. And my "baby" brother, he is the baby of the family. Always has been, and always will be.

So, as we sat around the dinner table, I tried telling stories of baby things to my sister at the other end, and to my mom across from her. My mother, later, told me she has no recollection of me trying to talk.

My siblings, on the other hand, all got their stories heard, and shared, even two or three times, but for shear pleasure, not because they didn't hear.

The only time the eyes were on me was when Matthew started acting out.

From there on, it progressed. Downhill. Fast. He screamed. FOR HOURS! We had to leave before my brother opened his gifts and before he blew out his candles to get Matthew home. He screamed the whole way home. Got him home and upstairs, rocked him with a bottle, and he was FINALLY a happy camper. I wanted to cry. I was so drained, emotionally, my throat hurt from trying to make myself heard, and I couldn't even get my own child to be happy for an hour. I felt so inadequate. Correction: FEEL.

What is it about being a middle child that does not go away, even when you're grown and have a family all of your own???

a test in customer service by a customer

On Saturday, we were supposed to pick up Matthew's car seat (ya know, the evil forward facing ones that will grow with him).

We ordered it on March 14 from Walmart.com. I received an email confirmation stating that the order would arrive (site-to-store for free shipping) between March 18-March 25.

Sometime in that week, I received an email saying that the package was "delayed in transit".

I don't know what that means....but a few day later i got another email saying that the new expected arrival date was March 26. Yesterday.

at 6:17 am, i got another email (and i got all excited thinking that it was at the store), saying it was AGAIN delayed in transit. This time, it is delayed in transit 20 minutes away from my VERY HOUSE, and the tracking site says it is "in transit to store."

it has been in transit to the store since March 23rd. it is now, March 27. it does NOT take 4 days to go from Mt. crawford to harrisonburg.

Now, i'm very irritated. annoyed. frustrated. i have not received my car seat, and i kinda sorta need it.

BUT....i called the customer service number on the email, and explained the emails to her. after a couple of minutes, she told me that within 24 hours (that time is up, by the way) i would receive a call from the store (which i haven't), explaining where my package is.

she also gave me $10 off my order.

the ironic thing: i did not yell. or scream. or place blame. all i wanted to know was what was the hold-up.....

i still don't know where it is, but, i do know that when i call back, using a calm voice and using facts rather than letting my emotions get the best of me will get me more places, than yelling at someone who is just trying to provide for their family.

Thank you Walmart.com!

sickness

I strongly dislike sickness.

in fact, i think it's safe to say....i HATE it.

and for this round, i FULLY AND ENTIRELY blame myself.

it involves food, and foods that Matthew probably wasn't ready to eat.

but i hate it when he hurts. :-(

FINALLY!

I FINALLY have gotten the pics uploaded to the computer from the camera. Now if i can just do
the same with my PHONE!!!!!

these are just a few of my favorites!

"Spring Sale!"

My inbox is filled with emails from Target, JCPenney, Gap, and other stores where I receive discounts on purchases for simply giving them my email address.

"Spring Sale! Flip flops 2 for $5!"

"Tank Tops 3 for $2!"

"Dresses for the stick figure: $2.50!"

i look outside, and I reach for my nice hot cup of coffee, watch the rain fall and turn to sleet/angry snow, and dream of a day when i can go outside, play with Matty, wear flip flops and have a body where i can wear those STUPID DRESSES THAT LOOK AMAZING ON EVERYONE ELSE!

a prayer from a broken heart

today, i received in my inbox a devotional from RelevantMagazine.com.

[ps: thank you my darling husband for signing me up months ago]

Coming from RM, it's usually something theological. I've never been a theological Christian. I don't feel the need to sit around the table and discuss why Jesus may or may not like homosexuals, or drink wine, or where he ministered most. I find these conversations...well...dull. and you always get with people who think differently than you, and reality is: no one is changing their mind b/c of what you (or they) have said. it's pointless conversation.

I'm a full believer that if i'm going to sit around the table and talk about Jesus, I'm going to talk about what is He doing in your life. What is it in your life that makes you think/feel/believe this about Jesus? THAT is the extent of my theological conversations.

Rabbit trail.

Today's devotional is about Luke 7:36-50.

The woman anoints Jesus. Many scholars believe that she was anointing him for death. others believe it was her way of worship.

I believe it was both.

This woman, who those around the table knew as a whore, entered into the house with ONE purpose.

Her LOVE for the Lord.

many scholars believe that Jesus and this woman (who i think is mentioned as Mary in the other gospels), had an affair and produced an offspring.

those scholars also drink kool-aid.

This woman was not attracted to the MAN. she was attracted to the LORD. Elohim. El Shaddai. (PLEASE EXCUSE MY SPELLING. I've never taken a greek/arabic class, and so i'm going on pronunciations...doesn't work so well...lol).

She was in AWE of His Majesty!

There was a time where i felt that love and desire for Him. lately, i haven't. and i want it back!

This is not a time for being reserved. this is not a time for being ashamed!

Lord, you've created me for such a time as this! help me to be BOLD for YOUR Name! Let people talk about me....let them spread their lies and gossip. Set me apart. anoint me! Lord, i break this alabaster jar at your feet, and wash it with my tears! You are my first love! my only true love!

tame my tongue so that it only spreads encouragement! let everything else fall wayside, and only encouragement come forward!

heal my heart, and make it clean. bring peace where there is none.

purify me, O Lord! let your love shine through!

the last 48 Hours...or what i remember of them...

The good thing about pain...

the pain KILLERS. ahhh...yes...

sweet delirium.

No idea of whether you're coming or going...

or what that nice lady with the pink smock is doing in your arm...

or what that red stuff is doing coming out of your arm....

it is GRAND!!!

Spent most of Friday morning in the emergency room...which i've noticed is no longer abbreviated ER. it's now ED. at first i kept thinking, "WHY are they abbreviating what has been known in over 100 years as the EMERGENCY ROOM the SAME abbreviation for Erectile dysfunction?!?!"

The Emergency Department (as it is now called), was actually nice. i had my own room, with a TV (so that Jacob could watch the rest of the Caps game), and my own light switch so i could turn the lights off and sleep for 30 minutes, or until the nurse came to get my vitals....again.

The best part of the....morning...was actually NOT the heated blankets they gave us...although that did help! it was the pain killers! i felt like my innards were exploding (which, in fact, they were) and not only did they "take the edge off"...but i could've been run over by a bus at high speed, placed under a 40 car train, then dropped off the side of the grand canyon, and still i would've felt no pain.

OHHHHH SWEET DELIRIUM!

the coming off of said meds, however, made me felt like i was hit by a moving bus, placed under a 40 car train, and dangling off the side of the grand canyon.

I know in the last 48 hours, i received lots of text messages and maybe phone calls, but i honestly can't remember. and if you are one of these people who messaged me in some fashion, but have not heard from me. just remember....i was busy dangling off the side of the grand canyon. i apologize! your well-wishes are appreciated!! :o)

ok...

really.

now.

sooo over it.

we've all had the stomach flu this week.

Matthew started it...

and i'm ending it.

test post

Omg!! Here I am at work playing on the nookcolor...and I can blog! Woot!! I REALLY want one now!!!!

just wanted to share.

Garfield is my FAVORITE comic/cartoon. BUT not the new Garfield, where it's live animation. No, no, no, no. It HAS to be the original cartoon with "Garfield and Friends." The pigs and the farm animals aren't really my favorite part, but the story line and the voices are what I remember from my childhood. And therefore, the new live animation Garfield will never do.

Here's to 2011!

This year I resolve:

• to be a better wife
• to be a better mother
• to be a better human.

This year I strive:

• not to hold grudges
• to let go of the grudges i currently hold
• to stop pretending that I'm ok
• to stop settling for mediocrity when I know i'm called to something greater
• to stop letting people get to me.

This year my goal is:

• to write more
• look at options for schooling
• drink less
• smile more.
• drink more water

If I never achieve my resolution (which by definition i will never achieve), i can at least STRIVE. if i want to stop striving, i can never get to my goals....and my goals are pretty easy....so...i'll just keep on striving.

Happy 2011! May the next year bring happiness, joy, hurt, and love. Joy for when happiness doesn't seem to cut it; hurt to appreciate the happiness; and love to remind us why we are happy and joyful!