worlds apart

unfortunately, i am the only one to blame for this.

i was selfish.

i tried to be in a world that didn't belong to me and that i didn't belong in.

how can i start to sacrifice again? i know how hard it was to begin with....so to do it knowingly again; how hard it is!

i struggle with much, but to make the attempt to come back into God's will after being out of it for so long is harder than....just about anything.

"I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
my sin soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart
halleluia"

Lord, I come before you knowing that You have so much more meant for me. Lord, i ask that You would take my world apart. Love the ones i despise....love those that mean harm for me. love those that talk about me behind my back...love those that don't understand me, and those i don't understand. Forgive them, Lord, for they have no idea how much i hurt.

Lord, break me. break my heart in such a way i have no choice but to come back to You. Lord, stay near to me. i need You. i can't live without You and don't want to. I love You Lord.

The image of Jesus being beaten beyond recognition, the idea that Jesus' skin being pierced with holes in His hands and feet, the spear that went through his side; his three days he spent in hell, paying for MY SIN...all that I DESERVE he took on himself. i can't fully comprehend. i have no idea. yet, he did it. and he'd do it all over again. How do i know this? well...he didn't have to do it in the beginning. he had the power to say no. to say, "you're not worth all this work and sacrifice i have to give." but he didn't. nope.

"Worlds Apart" by Jars of Clay. if you're looking for this specific version, it can be found on the live cd on their Furthermore compilation.

"I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all ends up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loved
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

and Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart
so i pray...

take my world apart,
i am on my knees
take my world apart,
broken on my knees
on my knees, yeah...

Additional lyrics:

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take my beauty, take my tears
my sin soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
take my beauty take my tears
sin soaked heart, make me yours
all the things i cannot hide
take my beauty take my tears,
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart
halleluia (repeated) "