Taking a break from the photo challenge (i will catch up...yes) to bring you a blog from real life.
My 23 year old brother is going into surgery tomorrow. If you could lift up prayers on his behalf, I would greatly appreciate it.
It's not so much the surgery he needs prayer for; it's the recovery.
I don't mind sharing; others might mind reading.
And to them I say, "Oh well."
I live my life according to rules that no one else may have to live by. I have cancelled trips to be home with my family, and said no to things that take me away from where I'm needed. I COULD have more in my life, if I really wanted those things. I have no desire to get a degree to work a job that I'm going to hate. "Just get a degree. It doesn't matter what you get."
Yeah. It kinda does.
Anyway...
Living with my parents is a mentally deranged, and a very violent person. This person refuses help, has spent a night in jail, and constantly threatens and carries out those threats. Where this person needs to be: not jail. He needs a mental institution...the kind where they are strapped down and given medication or left alone in a padded room....yeah...THAT kind.
This person has hurt me, has hurt my little brother, and won't even think twice about hurting him again. In fact, in this person's mind, THEY are the victim.
This frightens me beyond life. What is this person going to do with my lil bro getting all the attention??? Is this person really going to do it this time? How is he going to manipulate people?
Seriously. WHY can't the police do SOMETHING about this kind of a situation????? He is NOT well, but in the eyes of the state, he IS well. He can't be arrested until they see some bruises or blood, but by that time, IT'S TOO LATE.
God, I know You're here....somewhere. Where do You hide while this is going on? I'd REALLY love to see You in this mess. Please, show Yourself.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Day 9: 30 Day Photo Challenge
I find myself already slipping down the slippery slope of neglecting my challenge to myself.
BUT! In my defense: I have been ILL. Almost 4 weeks ago (on a Tuesday), I went to the dr with what I thought was maybe an infected bug bite. It started out as a pimple and then my face BALLOONED up...embarrassingly. He said it may be an infection of some sort, though probably not a bug bite; took a swab and sent it off to the lab. In the meantime, he said I have a "strep-like infection" on my throat; gave me antibiotics, and sent me on my way.
10 days of antibiotics later, the infected part of my face (have I mentioned this is on my FOREHEAD?!?!) had not gone away, and I called the Doctor again. 13 days after my first appointment, I saw a different dr; one that I had not seen before. He took 1 look at my face and said, "it's a cyst. It needs to be surgically removed." He then gave me the name of an ENT who, he said, would be great at not leaving a scar. I made the appointment for May 10.
This was this past Monday. On Wednesday, my face again ballooned up, and I called the doctors office again. By this point, I'm really frustrated, because, I'm not sure if you noticed, but I never mentioned what that swab came back to say. That's because I did not hear until Wednesday. Yesterday.
Anyway, yesterday, I spoke with a nurse on staff, who then told me the swab came back for a staph infection, but the original antibiotic should've taken care of it. When I told her that nothing had changed, I heard a silence on the other end that made me think she was rolling her eyes at the phone or at least making faces.
Then she asked me a couple of questions about the infected area, and what it looks like, and put me on hold for a few minutes while she talked with the original doctor who took the swab.
She came back and said that they were going to try a stronger antibiotic, and see if that works. I asked about the cyst. Now here's the fun part:
There MAY be a cyst underneath this ooey gooey infected mess, but we can't know for sure until the infection is gone. I have taken my second dose of antibiotic, which has taken some of the ballooning feeling, and made me more EXHAUSTED, but, I don't yet see too much of a difference in my face.
I'm not a very beautiful person. My face should never and will never grace the covers of any magazine (unless that magazine is about an infected mass on a persons face), but I hope to God that I at least look somewhat normal. I almost don't care about a scar. Maybe I should. I don't know. I just want to be well!
And on that note:
My Day 9 challenge: A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most:
Jesus. While I don't know what he really looks like, I know what I envision him to look like. He doesn't look like any of the pictures that you pull up when you Google Jesus Christ images.
He also has been there for me through thick or thin. Even when I don't think he is, there He is.
Thank You for always being there for me. I love you Lord!
BUT! In my defense: I have been ILL. Almost 4 weeks ago (on a Tuesday), I went to the dr with what I thought was maybe an infected bug bite. It started out as a pimple and then my face BALLOONED up...embarrassingly. He said it may be an infection of some sort, though probably not a bug bite; took a swab and sent it off to the lab. In the meantime, he said I have a "strep-like infection" on my throat; gave me antibiotics, and sent me on my way.
10 days of antibiotics later, the infected part of my face (have I mentioned this is on my FOREHEAD?!?!) had not gone away, and I called the Doctor again. 13 days after my first appointment, I saw a different dr; one that I had not seen before. He took 1 look at my face and said, "it's a cyst. It needs to be surgically removed." He then gave me the name of an ENT who, he said, would be great at not leaving a scar. I made the appointment for May 10.
This was this past Monday. On Wednesday, my face again ballooned up, and I called the doctors office again. By this point, I'm really frustrated, because, I'm not sure if you noticed, but I never mentioned what that swab came back to say. That's because I did not hear until Wednesday. Yesterday.
Anyway, yesterday, I spoke with a nurse on staff, who then told me the swab came back for a staph infection, but the original antibiotic should've taken care of it. When I told her that nothing had changed, I heard a silence on the other end that made me think she was rolling her eyes at the phone or at least making faces.
Then she asked me a couple of questions about the infected area, and what it looks like, and put me on hold for a few minutes while she talked with the original doctor who took the swab.
She came back and said that they were going to try a stronger antibiotic, and see if that works. I asked about the cyst. Now here's the fun part:
There MAY be a cyst underneath this ooey gooey infected mess, but we can't know for sure until the infection is gone. I have taken my second dose of antibiotic, which has taken some of the ballooning feeling, and made me more EXHAUSTED, but, I don't yet see too much of a difference in my face.
I'm not a very beautiful person. My face should never and will never grace the covers of any magazine (unless that magazine is about an infected mass on a persons face), but I hope to God that I at least look somewhat normal. I almost don't care about a scar. Maybe I should. I don't know. I just want to be well!
And on that note:
My Day 9 challenge: A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most:
Jesus. While I don't know what he really looks like, I know what I envision him to look like. He doesn't look like any of the pictures that you pull up when you Google Jesus Christ images.
He also has been there for me through thick or thin. Even when I don't think he is, there He is.
Thank You for always being there for me. I love you Lord!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Day 8: 30 Day Photo Challenge
Day 8: A picture that makes you laugh.
There are a couple. My son always makes me laugh with his funny grins or laughs, or whatever mischief he is getting into.
I just think this is funny. Not so much "funny-haha" but "funny-cute." I give a chuckle.
There are a couple. My son always makes me laugh with his funny grins or laughs, or whatever mischief he is getting into.
I just think this is funny. Not so much "funny-haha" but "funny-cute." I give a chuckle.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Day 7: 30 Day Photo Challenge
Day 7: A picture of your most treasured item.
There really isn't an item I treasure that I could live without. Except my wedding rings. I love the fact I'm married to a great man. And I will be more than happy to show them off!
There really isn't an item I treasure that I could live without. Except my wedding rings. I love the fact I'm married to a great man. And I will be more than happy to show them off!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Day 6: 30 Day Photo Challenge
Day 6: A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with.
I really can't think of anyone.
oh, wait. Except maybe this one:
I really can't think of anyone.
oh, wait. Except maybe this one:
Day 4: 30 Day challenge
Okay...so here's my Day 4 Post...
Yes...a few days late.
Feeding Matthew. We were actually at my husbands Great-Grandmothers 91st birthday party.
That's kind of how my nights are these days. :o)
Yes...a few days late.
Feeding Matthew. We were actually at my husbands Great-Grandmothers 91st birthday party.
That's kind of how my nights are these days. :o)
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Day 4: 30 Day challenge
Day 4: A picture of your night...
i have to go take a picture. This one will probably not get posted until tonight or tomorrow. Sorry, folks.
i have to go take a picture. This one will probably not get posted until tonight or tomorrow. Sorry, folks.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Day 3: 30 Day Photo Challenge
Day 3: A picture of the cast of your favorite show:
This is the cast from Grey's Anatomy. This has become my favorite show over the last 6 months or so. When the show started, I actually watched some, and hated it. I thought it was a cheesy emo show, and I wouldn't watch it. But, when my sister-in-law was watching Matty for me when I started back at work, I'd come home and she would have it on. I caught parts of it. It looked interesting. I watched some older episodes, and quickly fell in love. The characters were so real. It made me think that I could become a surgeon. And then the LOVE story between Meredith and Derrick! ::SIGH:: I got to re-live my love story through them!
It's a GREAT show! You should watch it. If you don't love it, something may or may not be wrong with you.
This is the cast from Grey's Anatomy. This has become my favorite show over the last 6 months or so. When the show started, I actually watched some, and hated it. I thought it was a cheesy emo show, and I wouldn't watch it. But, when my sister-in-law was watching Matty for me when I started back at work, I'd come home and she would have it on. I caught parts of it. It looked interesting. I watched some older episodes, and quickly fell in love. The characters were so real. It made me think that I could become a surgeon. And then the LOVE story between Meredith and Derrick! ::SIGH:: I got to re-live my love story through them!
It's a GREAT show! You should watch it. If you don't love it, something may or may not be wrong with you.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Day 2: 30 Day Photo Challenge
Day 2: A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.
This is my best friend, Kristin, and her sister, Rachell. This was WAY before we were all married (although I believe this was the weekend we were trying on your wedding dress, Kristin), and definitely way before our babies. This was fall break of 2006 in a Burlington Coat Factory in Virginia Beach.
Kristin and I are the bestest of the best of friends. It is her friendship that compares to no other. Yes, I have other friends, with many of whom I'm very close, as does she. But, Kristin and I; there's never been a time where we were not close. With many of my friends, we lose track of each other for a time. With Kristin, we may not talk for weeks, but we are still close.
Thank you, dear, DEAR friend. When many of my other "friends" were trash-talking me, or purposely leaving me out of things, you were the one person who was there for me, never judging, always listening, always praying and encouraging me.
I only hope I can do the same for you! :-)
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
First Birthday Party
Okay...I know you guys are probably REALLY annoyed with me (thinking: GEEZ...3 posts in ONE WHOLE DAY! She needs a life!), but I totally just realized I have not posted pictures from Matthew's first birthday party!!! EEEK! In my family, that's like a mortal sin or something not to share pictures! Just kidding, mi madre!
Anyway, here's a few. Enjoy.
Anyway, here's a few. Enjoy.
This one was actually a couple of days before. But it is just TOO CUTE to pass up!
He enjoyed his cupcake!
His new backpack from Aunt Jenny and family!
He was unsure about the whole cupcake thing at first, but he got the hang of it! (I know these are out of order)
A family shot.
MICKEY MOUSE!
The next day! He LOVES all of his new toys!!
Day 1: 30 Day Challenge.
Post a picture of yourself with 10 facts.
Since the directions do not specify whether it is 10 facts previously unknown or not, I will simply share the first 10 random facts that pop into my head.
1. My greatest achievement in my life has been my son. He makes me laugh every day, even when my day contains nothing to laugh about.
2. My wedding day was the best day of my life. My life-partner, my best friend, the love of my life.
3. There are not many pictures of just me. Especially recent pictures. Hence #4.
4. I've joined a gym. Er...I'm joining a gym. I'm more shopping for a gym. I've had 1 workout, and am planning on going again tonight.
5. I LOVE bread. And brownies. And pasta. And any chocolate of almost any kind. Which is why diets will not work for me.
6. If I got the chance to stay home with my son, I'd take it in a heartbeat. The ONLY condition I would have is to have a play group once every couple of days so he can play with other kids. And so mommies can have mommy time.
7. I am very shy. (Okay, dear friends, you can stop laughing right now.) I'm more SECRETLY shy. I've not met many of you, but when I do, I will be shy. I get less shy with wine. So when we meet, let there be wine. :o)
8. Secretly, when I started college, I really had no desire to have a career. Yes, I like to work and get out there, but I think I secretly wanted to be a SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mom).
9. I love worship music. I love slow ballads, and most upbeat songs. But, a GOOD worship song speaks directly to my heart. A bad worship song is very insulting to me.
10. I love Jesus. More and more each and every day. While the last few years have been rough for my relationship with Him, I do love Him. He is the reason I'm alive today. He is the reason I exist. Without Him, I am nothing, and no matter how I attempt to improve my life, only He can make it better.
Since the directions do not specify whether it is 10 facts previously unknown or not, I will simply share the first 10 random facts that pop into my head.
1. My greatest achievement in my life has been my son. He makes me laugh every day, even when my day contains nothing to laugh about.
2. My wedding day was the best day of my life. My life-partner, my best friend, the love of my life.
3. There are not many pictures of just me. Especially recent pictures. Hence #4.
4. I've joined a gym. Er...I'm joining a gym. I'm more shopping for a gym. I've had 1 workout, and am planning on going again tonight.
5. I LOVE bread. And brownies. And pasta. And any chocolate of almost any kind. Which is why diets will not work for me.
6. If I got the chance to stay home with my son, I'd take it in a heartbeat. The ONLY condition I would have is to have a play group once every couple of days so he can play with other kids. And so mommies can have mommy time.
7. I am very shy. (Okay, dear friends, you can stop laughing right now.) I'm more SECRETLY shy. I've not met many of you, but when I do, I will be shy. I get less shy with wine. So when we meet, let there be wine. :o)
8. Secretly, when I started college, I really had no desire to have a career. Yes, I like to work and get out there, but I think I secretly wanted to be a SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mom).
9. I love worship music. I love slow ballads, and most upbeat songs. But, a GOOD worship song speaks directly to my heart. A bad worship song is very insulting to me.
10. I love Jesus. More and more each and every day. While the last few years have been rough for my relationship with Him, I do love Him. He is the reason I'm alive today. He is the reason I exist. Without Him, I am nothing, and no matter how I attempt to improve my life, only He can make it better.
30 day challenge
Lately, I'm all about challenging myself to be a better person. I'm joining a gym (My personal Lorelei is laughing very loudly), I'm looking at volunteering, and I'm thinking about starting a Mary Kay business. The last part is just to see how I do and where I go with it. I'm not in it to make $30,000 a year (although, I'm told, it's possible), but if it happens, great. If not, I get a lot of cool stuff. :o)
One thing I've been wanting to do is this 30 Day Photo Challenge from Facebook. I don't think I want to post it on Facebook, but instead, I'll post the pictures on here. If nothing else, it will get me to blog a little more.
Here is the initial post I will be coming back to to remind me of what I need to be looking for in a photo. I will post another post with day 1.
Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show
Day 04 - A picture of your night
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most ****** up things with
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate
Day 12 - A picture of something you love
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity
Day 19 - A picture and a letter
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change
Day 25 - A picture of your day
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss
Day 31 - A picture of yourself
One thing I've been wanting to do is this 30 Day Photo Challenge from Facebook. I don't think I want to post it on Facebook, but instead, I'll post the pictures on here. If nothing else, it will get me to blog a little more.
Here is the initial post I will be coming back to to remind me of what I need to be looking for in a photo. I will post another post with day 1.
Day 01 - A picture of yourself with ten facts
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show
Day 04 - A picture of your night
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most ****** up things with
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate
Day 12 - A picture of something you love
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity
Day 19 - A picture and a letter
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change
Day 25 - A picture of your day
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss
Day 31 - A picture of yourself
Monday, April 11, 2011
new morning, new day
So...yesterday was rough. But the good part about yesterday:
IT'S IN THE PAST!!!!
Praise Jesus!
Today, is Monday. And while Monday's have the reputation for being evil, I'm choosing to see this day as new; fresh; clean; ready for the taking!
We (as in Matthew and I) have some errands to run. Target to meet with a friend of mine, across town for Mary Kay pick up, and then, darling Matty will be going to the sitters so I can go to the gym!
In recent news:
I have been sick! AGAIN!
Last Monday, I picked at my forehead at what I thought was a innocent pimple (TMI for some of you, but it's the truth). All of a sudden, by that evening, my entire forehead was in pain, and swelling. By Tuesday morning, my entire face was so swollen, I could barely open my right eye. I went to the doctor, and he said I also may have strep. He gave me an antibiotic that would "hopefully" kill the bacteria/infection on my face and in my throat. So far, it's working (Thank GOD!), but the antibiotic is KILLING my stomach. I swear, I think it'd just be easier if I rip my stomach out and flush it down the toilet.
It'd save the time, that's for sure!
And Matthew is attempting to get over a stomach bug, so in preparation, I lysoled EVERYTHING.
Thank God for Lysol!
IT'S IN THE PAST!!!!
Praise Jesus!
Today, is Monday. And while Monday's have the reputation for being evil, I'm choosing to see this day as new; fresh; clean; ready for the taking!
We (as in Matthew and I) have some errands to run. Target to meet with a friend of mine, across town for Mary Kay pick up, and then, darling Matty will be going to the sitters so I can go to the gym!
In recent news:
I have been sick! AGAIN!
Last Monday, I picked at my forehead at what I thought was a innocent pimple (TMI for some of you, but it's the truth). All of a sudden, by that evening, my entire forehead was in pain, and swelling. By Tuesday morning, my entire face was so swollen, I could barely open my right eye. I went to the doctor, and he said I also may have strep. He gave me an antibiotic that would "hopefully" kill the bacteria/infection on my face and in my throat. So far, it's working (Thank GOD!), but the antibiotic is KILLING my stomach. I swear, I think it'd just be easier if I rip my stomach out and flush it down the toilet.
It'd save the time, that's for sure!
And Matthew is attempting to get over a stomach bug, so in preparation, I lysoled EVERYTHING.
Thank God for Lysol!
Sunday, April 10, 2011
why being a middle child made today an epic fail.
When Matthew woke us up at 5 this morning, I literally had no idea what was going to happen. I mean, he wakes up at 5 am every couple of days, and it's usually no big deal. But throw into the mix that we had church (which always throws off his nap-times), a family dinner/birthday party 20 minutes away, and an all around grumpy baby, and today was destined since the early morning start to be an epic fail.
For example:
Had I known that Matty's early morning nap would've only been half the usual time and that would've made him a very inconsolable child, I would've skipped church. But since I lost my DeLorean in a bet that I should've known I was going to lose, I had no idea that Matthew's normal "happy-go-lucky" attitude would've been lost after the first diaper change.
Likewise, had I known that church was going to go as long as it did, I again would've skipped, or left early. I don't want to bad-mouth, and I don't think I am. I am expressing a personal opinion. If you do not agree with my opinion, that's fine! But I don't mean any ill-will, and I most certainly do not want to put down people who are amazing men/women of God. However, I [personally] cannot stand when they have alter-time at the beginning of the service. It drags on and on. I understand why they do it (so people don't leave before they have their chance at the alter), but I would benefit more from HEARING the word and then GOING to the alter. Again....PERSONALLY.
I also have a HARD time worshiping with music that was written before my grandparents were born. I LOVE the fact that I grew up in small town America. But, I have the HARDEST time focusing with songs that I've never heard of, and with that "Gospel-twang". I feel like I'm at an outdoor fair (For you locals, like the Bergton Fair). It's not worship music to me. It's a concert. And yes, I do need to pour my heart out to the Audience of One. But, I spend MORE time getting myself into the attitude (because I have to force it on myself) then I do actually worshiping.
Again...PERSONALLY. I know that there are people of the older generations who feel the same way should someone introduce a "new" song. The only thing I can say is...Maybe I need to find somewhere where that's not so much a problem.
[A little side-note: I really have no problem with "old songs of worship". I just can't stand when they are all done the same way....ya know...like at an old gospel concert].
Anyway, after forcing myself into worship for 5 minutes, twiddling my thumbs for almost a half hour while they have "alter-time", and then watching the clock tick....11:45. 12. 12:15. "We need to be at my parents in 15 minutes, and they are 20 minutes away, and we haven't started praying yet..."
Now, take these feelings of frustration from what's supposed to be a refreshing time in fellowship (don't even get me started on "fellowship"), and take that with an argumentative 10 minutes in the car to the ATM (we owed my mom 10 bucks), then home with a hungry child (we were eating lunch at my parents), all before getting back in the car to drive 20 minutes...we got to my parents 45 minutes late.
Finally we arrive at my parents and everyone's starting to chow down without us (which was agreed upon in our first year of marriage; they are not to wait on us). Matthew refused food and drink of all kinds, and started with a tantrum. In front of everyone. I felt the burning sensation of judgement fall on me.
I'm the middle child. Not a "true" middle child, but as middle as they come. I was born number 3 of 4. My sister who is 8.5 years my senior, my brother is 6 years older, and my "baby" brother who is 3 years younger. My sister is married, with 2 kids and one more on the way (YAY!). My brother growing up had so many problems that he will never be able to claim to have "middle-child-syndrome" even if he wanted. He received all the attention and then some. Given, not all of it was positive, but still....attention is attention. And my "baby" brother, he is the baby of the family. Always has been, and always will be.
So, as we sat around the dinner table, I tried telling stories of baby things to my sister at the other end, and to my mom across from her. My mother, later, told me she has no recollection of me trying to talk.
My siblings, on the other hand, all got their stories heard, and shared, even two or three times, but for shear pleasure, not because they didn't hear.
The only time the eyes were on me was when Matthew started acting out.
From there on, it progressed. Downhill. Fast. He screamed. FOR HOURS! We had to leave before my brother opened his gifts and before he blew out his candles to get Matthew home. He screamed the whole way home. Got him home and upstairs, rocked him with a bottle, and he was FINALLY a happy camper. I wanted to cry. I was so drained, emotionally, my throat hurt from trying to make myself heard, and I couldn't even get my own child to be happy for an hour. I felt so inadequate. Correction: FEEL.
What is it about being a middle child that does not go away, even when you're grown and have a family all of your own???
For example:
Had I known that Matty's early morning nap would've only been half the usual time and that would've made him a very inconsolable child, I would've skipped church. But since I lost my DeLorean in a bet that I should've known I was going to lose, I had no idea that Matthew's normal "happy-go-lucky" attitude would've been lost after the first diaper change.
Likewise, had I known that church was going to go as long as it did, I again would've skipped, or left early. I don't want to bad-mouth, and I don't think I am. I am expressing a personal opinion. If you do not agree with my opinion, that's fine! But I don't mean any ill-will, and I most certainly do not want to put down people who are amazing men/women of God. However, I [personally] cannot stand when they have alter-time at the beginning of the service. It drags on and on. I understand why they do it (so people don't leave before they have their chance at the alter), but I would benefit more from HEARING the word and then GOING to the alter. Again....PERSONALLY.
I also have a HARD time worshiping with music that was written before my grandparents were born. I LOVE the fact that I grew up in small town America. But, I have the HARDEST time focusing with songs that I've never heard of, and with that "Gospel-twang". I feel like I'm at an outdoor fair (For you locals, like the Bergton Fair). It's not worship music to me. It's a concert. And yes, I do need to pour my heart out to the Audience of One. But, I spend MORE time getting myself into the attitude (because I have to force it on myself) then I do actually worshiping.
Again...PERSONALLY. I know that there are people of the older generations who feel the same way should someone introduce a "new" song. The only thing I can say is...Maybe I need to find somewhere where that's not so much a problem.
[A little side-note: I really have no problem with "old songs of worship". I just can't stand when they are all done the same way....ya know...like at an old gospel concert].
Anyway, after forcing myself into worship for 5 minutes, twiddling my thumbs for almost a half hour while they have "alter-time", and then watching the clock tick....11:45. 12. 12:15. "We need to be at my parents in 15 minutes, and they are 20 minutes away, and we haven't started praying yet..."
Now, take these feelings of frustration from what's supposed to be a refreshing time in fellowship (don't even get me started on "fellowship"), and take that with an argumentative 10 minutes in the car to the ATM (we owed my mom 10 bucks), then home with a hungry child (we were eating lunch at my parents), all before getting back in the car to drive 20 minutes...we got to my parents 45 minutes late.
Finally we arrive at my parents and everyone's starting to chow down without us (which was agreed upon in our first year of marriage; they are not to wait on us). Matthew refused food and drink of all kinds, and started with a tantrum. In front of everyone. I felt the burning sensation of judgement fall on me.
I'm the middle child. Not a "true" middle child, but as middle as they come. I was born number 3 of 4. My sister who is 8.5 years my senior, my brother is 6 years older, and my "baby" brother who is 3 years younger. My sister is married, with 2 kids and one more on the way (YAY!). My brother growing up had so many problems that he will never be able to claim to have "middle-child-syndrome" even if he wanted. He received all the attention and then some. Given, not all of it was positive, but still....attention is attention. And my "baby" brother, he is the baby of the family. Always has been, and always will be.
So, as we sat around the dinner table, I tried telling stories of baby things to my sister at the other end, and to my mom across from her. My mother, later, told me she has no recollection of me trying to talk.
My siblings, on the other hand, all got their stories heard, and shared, even two or three times, but for shear pleasure, not because they didn't hear.
The only time the eyes were on me was when Matthew started acting out.
From there on, it progressed. Downhill. Fast. He screamed. FOR HOURS! We had to leave before my brother opened his gifts and before he blew out his candles to get Matthew home. He screamed the whole way home. Got him home and upstairs, rocked him with a bottle, and he was FINALLY a happy camper. I wanted to cry. I was so drained, emotionally, my throat hurt from trying to make myself heard, and I couldn't even get my own child to be happy for an hour. I felt so inadequate. Correction: FEEL.
What is it about being a middle child that does not go away, even when you're grown and have a family all of your own???
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