marriage retreat

Over the weekend, Jacob and i went to VA Beach with other couples from the church network to attend a marriage retreat. Pastor Tony has said that this is just a reason to get away for the weekend, and the main thing was to have fun. He and his wife, Kathy, made us promise...no arguing. we promised, and for the most part, kept it.

I came away blessed. Jacob came away with something else, and i hope to let him blog about it on our other blog, if he chooses to.

it was a very simple retreat. we gathered in a small conference room on the first level of the hotel, pulled down a screen, and Pastor Tony and/or Kathy hit play. (it was a DVD series.)

from my understanding, all of the videos can be found on www.marriagetoday.org. His name was Jimmy and his wife was Karen. I can't remember their last names, but i also have yet to visit the website.

one of the things Jimmy said in one of the sessions was that divorce and adultery runs together. His point was how to divorce-proof and adultery-proof your marriage. typically, i don't believe you can sum life up in twelve steps, but that isn't what this was about. the whole point in divorce-proofing and adultery-proofing your marriage was put family first; let me be more specific...put your spouse first. period. i am not going to go too much further in this because it isn't MY message, but it is his message, and i have no desire to take credit for learning something that he had to learn the hard way and nearly experienced a divorce or separation for it.

however, i have been thinking about that statement..."Divorce and adultery runs together."

to expand: he said that if your support group or friends or family are supportive of an affair or divorce, then you are more likely to end up experiencing a divorce or affair.

i really wonder if that's how it is with not just divorce or adultery, but other sins as well. let's say sexual sin. a man who is ashamed of his pornography addiction goes to his friends for prayer and help, yet finds that his friends take part in habitual pornography. he feels though that it still is bad, yet, kind of feels some sense of satisfaction and affirmation. he isn't the only one who struggles. maybe this isn't THAT bad....?

now, i used that example, b/c that is an example he used often....men and pornography. i really don't have an example that is a GOOD example for women, but, here's how i look at it:

it just has to be something that as a follower of Christ one knows he/she should not be taking part in this. it also has to be something that is definitely not of God and therefore is a sin. Then this sin should be shared with a few close knit friends primarily to seek help and prayer but then receives a response of shame..."yeah. i'm in the same boat. can we help each other?"

while this plea seems honorable, i wonder if it's harmful. i mean, we don't want to lie to our brothers and sister in the Lord, by not telling them that we struggle with the same sin, but at the same time...are we damaging them even more by telling them that we struggle?

i dunno...maybe i'm overthinking this, but i sincerely hope that i do not cause my sisters in Christ more damage by sharing with them.